Reader feels disturbed by sister dating ex-husband
Dear Annie: My exhusband, the father of my kids, decided to date my younger sister, who is in the early stages of recovery from heroin addiction.
My mother and stepfather support this relationship and think it will be good for her. My older sister and I do not approve. Because of this, my mother decided to disown me and my sister. We have not spoken for six months.
What I don’t understand is that my mother mentioned this whole dating thing about four years ago. She asked whether I would be OK with them seeing each other and I strongly replied that I would NOT.
How do I carry on with no contact with my family due to this? What can I do?
— Disturbed Middle Sister
Dear Sister: We agree that dating the sibling (or best friend) of an ex can be problematic and we don’t recommend it. But you don’t get to control who other people date. Expressing your opinion is fine. Creating ultimatums forces an estrangement.
Your decision now is whether or not to accept your sister’s relationship, in order to remain close to the rest of the family.
Dear Annie: I am writing about “Crying Mother,” who views her formerly loving and involved daughter-in-law as “cold and distant” now that the children are older.
Parents’ days are filled with meeting the needs of their growing children. This may be the busiest and most stressful time of their lives. They have less time to think about their parents, yet they need their parents’ love and support more than ever.
After our first was born, my father-in-law would call to say that he would be grilling that weekend and wondered if the baby would like some prime rib. My mother-in-law was happy to bake and decorate cookies with my secondgrader for a school activity. I would suggest that “Crying Mother” step into a more supportive role. Does she invite the family over for a meal and fun activity? Does she offer to take the children so the parents can have time alone? Does she inquire about the children’s activities? Grandparents can be very important, and such efforts are greatly appreciated.
— Been There on Both Sides
Dear Been There: There are always two sides to every story (sometimes three). We hope “Crying Mother” will give your great suggestions a try.