Saved woman is now judg­men­tal

The Commercial Appeal - - Business -

Dear Har­ri­ette: I have a friend who has been pro­mis­cu­ous for all the years I have known her. Sud­denly, she is act­ing like she is a Chris­tian and is saved. She says she has changed her life, which is great, but now she has opin­ions about all of us. As she is work­ing on her so­bri­ety, she is be­com­ing ex­tremely judg­men­tal of her core friend group. We have been there for her through­out her life. I don’t ap­pre­ci­ate be­ing judged about ev­ery­thing I say or do, es­pe­cially by her. How can I get her to stop talk­ing about us and stay fo­cused on her­self?

— Friend In So­bri­ety Dear Friend In So­bri­ety: Peo­ple in early so­bri­ety of­ten seem ob­sessed with their own be­hav­ior and hy­per­crit­i­cal of oth­ers. One thing they are of­ten taught is to be­ware of “peo­ple, places and things” that re­mind them of their past and that might lead them back down a path to­ward self-de­struc­tion. If you and your core group par­tic­i­pate in this be­hav­ior — such as drink­ing al­co­hol, do­ing drugs or what­ever else she used to do — it might be best for you to keep your dis­tance for a while. It may be im­pos­si­ble for her to sep­a­rate her own is­sues from yours dur­ing the early days.

You can also be frank with her. Tell your friend how proud you are of her ac­com­plish­ments. Wish her well, and then set bound­aries. Tell her that it doesn’t work for you when she crit­i­cizes you on all that you say and do. Make it clear that you don’t want to sever ties with her right now.

Send ques­tions to askhar­ri­[email protected]­ri­et­tecole.com or c/o Uni­ver­sal Uclick, 1130 Wal­nut St., Kansas City, MO 64106. KING FEA­TURES SYN­DI­CATE

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