The Commercial Appeal

Son is with the wrong woman

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DEAR ANNIE ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: My 25-year-old son, “Andy,” has been dating “Cassie” for a year and a half. Andy is the kind of guy whom everybody loves. Cassie only has a couple of friends and has a terrible reputation.

For the first six months, he hid their relationsh­ip from us. When I found out, I was devastated. He told me he liked her so much and wanted to marry her, but first he wanted to get to know her better.

He wanted me to get to know her, so I agreed to go out with her,. I still believed she was not the right person for Andy. I did not invite her over to the house for a few months, even though she wanted to come over. Eventually, I saw she wasn’t going anywhere, so I included her.

Cassie is stubborn. She and Andy set a wedding date without involving us. When I told her the date would be inconvenie­nt for us, she said that was the date they wanted. When I protested, she threatened that I would never see the future grandchild­ren. She ended up breaking things off with Andy over the fight. He begged for her forgivenes­s, and they were back on again. I swallowed my pride and even bought her a diamond bracelet.

Then Andy dropped out of the program that Cassie really wanted him to be in, and she broke up with him again. He begged for her to give him another chance, and eventually she did, but in the meantime she wrote a nasty letter to my sister, tearing Andy’s character apart. Cassie tried calling me several times to apologize, but I do not want to hear it. That letter was so abusive.

I can’t walk him down the aisle to an abuser. I know you’ll say I’d regret not going, but I don’t think I would, because how can I support my son’s marrying somebody who abuses him emotionall­y?

— To Go or Not to Go

Dear TGONTG: I’ll get to Cassie’s behavior in a minute, but first I have to keep you honest. You were never going to like this woman, no matter what, even if she turned out to be a saint. You prejudged her, made sweeping generaliza­tions and then held out for months hoping she was just a phase. Your calling her stubborn sounds a bit like a pot remarking on the hue of a kettle.

Now on to Cassie’s behavior. I empathize with your heartache at watching your son get hurt; I know that not going to the wedding might seem like your one last way to stand against the mistreatme­nt. But Cassie is going to be in your son’s life whether or not you are. And if she really is an abuser, then her goal is to isolate him from his loved ones — something she’ll have made huge strides toward should his parents not show up for the wedding.

So yes, I implore you to go to the wedding, wearing a smile and your dancing shoes — if not out of support for the marriage, then out of support for your son.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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