Is your apology louder than your actions on race issues?
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve received more apologies than I can count. From email to social media, there’s been a stream of regretful acknowledgment of indirect offense from friends and strangers alike on behalf of our failed criminal justice system in the killings of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd. Like many Black Americans reading unsolicited apologies, I’ve struggled between anger and appreciation.
On the one hand, I’m grateful for the awakening that’s happening in communities across the country. At the same time, I’m frustrated at the high cost of this acknowledgment. In addition to that, the real question is, what do we do once we move from apology to agreement that enough is enough?
Enter the allies roll call
What is an ally? An ally is recognized by a community as someone that is engaged in learning and taking action to advance the inclusion and equity of that community.
Allyship is a lifelong process that requires bothawareness and action.
We don’t arrive at a self-determined destination and then self-identify as allies. Allyship is a journey oflearning, un-learning, and re-learningas we share the load of another. One of my favorite explanations of allyship is from Roxane Gay, author ofbad Feminist. In an article in Marie Claire, “On Making Black Lives Matter”, Roxane shares:
“Black people do not need allies. We need people to stand up and take on the problems borne of oppression as their own without remove or distance.
We need people to do this even if they cannot fully understand what it’s like to be oppressed for their race or ethnicity, gender, sexuality, ability, class, religion, or other marker of identity.
We need people to use common sense to figure out how to participate in social justice.”
From words to actions
As a speaker, coach, and consultant on inclusive leadership development, I believe leaders have a responsibility to move from apologies and passive communications to action-focused and productive change.
This will be uncomfortable. Mistakes are inevitable. This is the work of allyship.
As leaders, we must welcome discomfort becausebeing uncomfortable is a prerequisite for growth.as allies, we must be intentional to move past getting defensive due to discomfort to take on the actions of: h Speaking up when our voice shakes h Taking a stand when we’re scared h Holding the door open to share our access and privilege even when we aren’t sure
You may feel discomfort and even pain in doing this, but to borrow the first line of Rick Warren’s bestselling book The Purpose-driven Life, “It’s not about you.”
What are some actions of allies that would support the Black community?
A – Awareness:emotional intelligence is critical for allyship. Do the work to understand and challenge your implicit bias. “Why do I think that” is a great question to be more self-aware when thoughts enter your mind about other people.
L – Learning: Don’t expect Black people to teach you what you haven’t been intentional in learning about on your own first. It’s great to listen and ask questions, continue to do this as you are also doing your own research.
L – Listening: Suppress the urge to counter with your ideas and experiences. Listen more than you speak and know that allyship isn’t about wearing a cape. Councilwoman Zulfat Suara said it best at a panel on allyship during the Thrive Together Leadership Conference, “It’s not about being a hero. This is not a social justice Olympics.”
I – Inclusion: How are you intentional in your effort to incorporate difference? As leaders, having diversity in your organization is a pit stop along the journey towards equity. Diversity (difference) is all around us.
Even if your organization needs to attract more diversity, the real question is, how are you cultivating a culture of inclusion where those that are different believe they belong, so you retain them.
E – Experience: What has your experience been with Black people? How intentional are you in experiencing the breadth and depth of Black culture?
S – Sponsorship: Use your power and privilege to empower and position Black founders, colleagues, politicians, and leaders. How do you speak up and invest in the black people you’re sharing experiences with, especially when you’re in rooms that they are not in?
Brittany Cole is a keynote speaker, career coach and inclusive leadership development consultant.