Dating ex might feel like betrayal

Dear Harriette: My best friend and her husband are separated. She left him and started dating someone else. Her husband and I have always been friends since we all went to high school together, and he recently began confiding in me since the separation. We are spending a lot of time together, as neither of us sees my best friend because she is dating someone new.

I have started seeing her husband regularly. I am beginning to fall in love with him. I don’t know whether I should tell her, or if he should tell her. I don’t want her to be upset, but this connection was out of our control, and we want to see this through. Do you think I will lose my best friend?

— Wishful Thinking Dear Wishful Thinking: While these things do tend to happen, there is little good that will likely come of this situation. Whether it’s right or not, your best friend probably believes that her husband should be off limits.

I think you should pump the brakes until you have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If you feel like you can’t resist being with this man, you have to tell her and risk losing her friendship, at least in the short term. Chances are, she will feel betrayed. Explain yourself, including saying that it wasn’t planned, that you two started spending time together to mourn the demise of their marriage, and things happened. Be prepared for the worst. Your honesty will count for a lot.

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