How to discuss finances in crisis without adding to turmoil
With 10.7 million Americans out of work as of November 2020, many have been forced into having tough money conversations as a result of the pandemic.
Whether you share expenses with a roommate, a partner, adult children or parents, now is an especially good time to talk about money. Here are some ways to ease into these conversations:
First, feel your feelings
Few are having the 2020 they thought they’d have, and no one knows when normalcy will return. Mark Reyes, who works for Albert, a financial wellness mobile app, experienced a major disappointment of his own: Earlier this year, he and his wife canceled their wedding, opting to elope in his aunt’s backyard instead.
Though they feel they did the right thing, “We kind of grieved our wedding,” Reyes said.
He’s seeing plenty of emotional turmoil from clients, too, he said. His company works with people who have been laid off, and those who’ve lost their jobs may feel as if they’ve also lost part of their identity and what they thought their role was in their household.
“Just because there’s a lack of income, or you’re not earning income, doesn’t mean you don’t have value as a person,” Reyes said.
Reyes said his company helps clients with actionable steps, such as identifying nonessential spending.
But giving yourself the space to feel sad and angry can also help. Let the process of voicing your worries get you back on the path to dreaming again.
Compassionately renegotiate
It’s an age-old recipe for resentment: One spouse loses his or her job, yet the working spouse still carries the larger burden of household chores. Or both spouses work from home while supervising kids in remote school, but one of them feels as if he or she gets interrupted more often and can’t focus on the job. (And let’s be real about whose work gets interrupted more in many opposite-sex couples: It’s the mom.)
Nathaniel Ivers, an associate professor in the department of counseling at Wake Forest University, believes interpersonal conflicts stem from your desire to be understood by the other person, while you don’t understand where the other person is coming from.
“If you say, ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed with the extra responsibilities I have now,’ that will sometimes trigger compassion,” Ivers said. “But if it comes with finger-pointing, the last thing you get is compassion and empathy.”