IN THEIR WORDS
Fear, hope and prayers: Memphis medical workers detail the COVID-19 battle
‘The nurses cry. We cry a lot ...’ Ptosha Jackson Administrative director of nursing at Methodist Germantown
Across the world, everyone has been impacted by COVID-19 in some way. But healthcare workers have been faced with especially difficult circumstances, putting their lives at risk each time they go to work while dealing with the same isolation and uncertainty experienced by all Americans in the past year.
The Commercial Appeal collected stories from doctors, nurses and respiratory therapists working at hospitals across the Mid-south about how the pandemic has impacted their families, what they want people to know about the COVID-19 vaccines and how they are able to find hope and moments of joy as the pandemic rages on.
One talked about the tears she has shed after taking care of colleagues who caught the virus while taking care of patients. Another talked about having to watch her grandfather die on the COVID-19 floor she worked on. Many talked about how prayer and the support of their colleagues has kept them going each day.
These are their stories in their own words.
Healthcare workers in the Methodist system spoke about the toll the pandemic has taken on them, what life is like inside the hospital and how they take care of themselves and their coworkers. Some responses were edited for clarity.
Rachel Felkins, ICU nurse at Methodist Olive Branch
“I’ve worked here for the entire pandemic and life has been relentless in 2020, working in a pandemic. There have definitely been times that were very depressing and, like I said, just relentless, because, although there might be lulls in the pandemic, it just keeps coming. But I will say I have some amazing team members. I’ve gotten to see some of the best in the people that I work with. And every victory that we have, we celebrate. So, that’s been amazing.
“We’ve been wearing an N95 for a while now. I wear mine for 12 hours a shift. We do reprocess them. There were a lot of fears in the beginning that we’d run out, but so far we’ve had enough PPE.
“I would just like the community to know that COVID-19 is still here. It affects so many people. Sometimes people will think, you know, ‘It’s not going to happen to me.’ And that’s one of the saddest things is that they think ‘it’s not going to happen to me’ and they end up on a ventilator or worse. I just wish that people would realize that the main thing is that we cherish life and we want to see everyone get well and get better. Behind the scenes, we’re all really tired of COVID, too. We’re stressed. But we really celebrate when people do get better. So we never take that for granted.
“As far as taking care of ourselves (goes), I know that for me, this has been a year where I’ve had to learn that there’s strength in asking for help and this has been an extremely humbling experience. But, I’m definitely ready for it to end. So hopefully 2021 will be better.”
Shirley Burton, respiratory therapist at Methodist Olive Branch
“Working in the COVID unit, the first few weeks, was like bringing a newborn baby home from intensive care that had been on a ventilator for several months. You are walking on eggshells because of the limited knowledge and training and understanding you have. And now several months later, there are fewer eggshells but it’s still, each patient is that newborn babe. Because of Methodist making adjustments every time the PPE got low, they made sure we had the supplies we needed to take care and now we are in a good place, as far as our PPE is concerned.
“Now, we have a very small department and I love the people that I work with and what I do and where I work, but when one person is absent it makes a difference to the coworkers and the patients. So if we don’t show up, who shows up? I think the most difficult thing about this whole situation has to be for the families. When you can’t touch or see or talk to your loved ones, knowing that they are being cared for... sometimes it’s still difficult even when you know they’re getting the best care possible and my heart goes out to those people.
“None of these patients ever get to be routine. I’ve seen patients come in and get discharged and get ready to go home and 30 minutes later, they’re in intensive care, on the ventilator and not making it. And that’s something you don’t get used to. Count yourself blessed if you went through COVID with your family member or your friends and they’re still here. That’s such a blessing to have them, so cherish every moment.
“When it gets rough and difficult for me, I spend time with God, that’s what I do. I go into praise and worship, get my mind off of me, off myself or what’s going on. I get my mind on Him and it gives me strength and it gives me joy and I’m able to keep going. Because this is the first time in 40-some years that I’ve gone through something for so many months that has affected me the way it did. This time, it almost makes you depressed. And I had to get that thing off of me. But spending time in praise and worship brought me back out so I can keep on doing what I need to do.”
Gina Bryant, patient care coordinator and nurse at Methodist North
“I (began) working on the COVID unit when we became the COVID unit back in February, and it has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. We’re making changes every day to ensure the safety of both our patients and staff members. But we’ve been fortunate here at Methodist North to never be in need of PPE. We have everything we
need to keep us safe during our shift.
“I wish the community would know that even though we are fearful, we are here for them. And our main goal and hope for them is that they make it home to their families. I also wish they knew that the vaccine is available and it’s one way to stop the spread of COVID.
“Behind the scenes we are scared and we’ve suffered loss among our own staff. I keep returning to work because of my team. My team needs me and the patients need me.”
Lori Stone, nurse at Methodist North
“(I’ve) been working here since we started taking care of COVID patients. PPE has not been an issue since we’ve been taking this road. What keeps us coming back? We’re needed. Our patients need us. Our coworkers need us. And our families need us to be here and take care of people and get rid of this disease.
“What would I want the community to know? There are quite a few things. But the number one thing I want the community to know: This is not a hoax. This is not 5G. This is not anything that the myths on social media have said. This is real. And you can help prevent the spread of this by wearing a mask, washing your hands, staying away from big parties and staying put.
“What do I want you to know about behind the scenes? We come in every day still scared to bring this home to our family. But we keep coming in to make sure that the patients here get the care that they need so they can go home to their families once they start to feel better.
“The other question that we get asked a lot is how do we take care of ourselves. There are lots of bubble baths, lots of foot rubs and lots of prayer. That’s what we do to take care of ourselves.”
Ptosha Jackson, administrative director of nursing at Methodist Germantown
“Working on a COVID unit, and actually myself managing several COVID units, has been difficult in the year 2020. We’ve had various tasks and various things that have been put upon us that’s been different in our management style as well as our style of taking care of patients.
“PPE here at our hospital has been generous. (It) has been something that we have had to use within our units. Our hospitals have pretty much supplied us with everything we need to take care of those COVID patients from head to toe. So we haven’t had a need to really scrounge for personal protective equipment.
“The things that keep me coming back to work every day is just being there for the team, boosting morale, showing that enthusiasm to the team members as well as to COVID patients and families. A lot of our families can’t be here. So just being there for that patient, taking care of that patient, showing them care and guidance is what we strive for.
“The community should know that, some things you don’t see. The nurses cry. We cry a lot because we take care of a lot of our own coworkers who have the COVID virus. We cry because we see families that can’t be here. We cry because we do see a lot of death. What we’re now seeing is a lot of families that are dying together, total family households.
“Every day behind the scenes, we try to boost each other up. We try to cheer each other up, bring cheer every day because we know it can be a depressing day. The COVID-19 virus is new for 2020 and so each day we’re learning together as a team on how we are taking care of each other.
“Things I do to take care of myself... mentally and physically it can be exhausting. But at the same time, we try to go for walks, exercise, just to try to take our mind off of work. But I got to tell you, it’s hard not focusing on being there for
COVID patients.”
Medical workers from the Baptist system and Regional One Health talked about the importance of getting the COVID-19 vaccine and what the vaccine means to them. Some responses were edited for clarity.
Macy Wade, nursing director of COVID-19 cohort units at Regional One Health
“My grandfather passed away from COVID-19 on Nov. 9, 2020, on our COVID Cohort Unit. I was at his bedside when respiratory therapy removed his breathing tube and the ventilator was turned off, surrounded by my work family. Never in a million years would I have believed that one day I would be at my grandfather’s side, without my family when he took his last breath, but I was. This should not have been the end to his story, but it was.
“During his hospital stay, my Papaw told me that he often wondered why he was blessed enough to live so many years when so many people die young. I received the COVID-19 vaccine to honor a man that loved, above all else, God, his family, and his country. I received the vaccine because I want to be the reason that a 93-year-old man is able to reflect back years from now, knowing that he survived this pandemic because people like me were vaccinated to protect people like him.
“Do you know what I’d tell others about getting this vaccine? I would tell other people to not wait until this is you in the hospital struggling for every breath or it is you that is receiving a phone call about your loved one passing away before you treat COVID-19 as real. It is real. I would tell others that I will gladly take a chance on the ‘what ifs’ that a vaccine brings than deal with the actual known consequences that are occurring in the beds down the hall. If you don’t know someone that has died from COVID-19, you are lucky. If you have lost someone, I hurt alongside you every day. Make the choice now to be vaccinated so that the story of my family never becomes one that we share. I do not wish this level of grief on anyone.”
Nakesha Laffey, respiratory therapist at Baptist Memorial Hospital-memphis
“It’s been very defeating. We haven’t seen a lot of hope. So today (receiving the vaccine), we feel pretty hopeful.
“We are surrounded by very smart people here in Memphis. Our healthcare providers are so smart and so knowledgeable. They researched the numbers. The numbers speak for themselves. Get the vaccine.”
Haley Griffiths, ICU head nurse at Baptist Memorial Hospital-desoto
“I’m actually super excited. It actually didn’t hurt at all, less than the flu vaccine. So I’m excited to see what this changes in the next phases of this pandemic.
“My personal opinion is that we’ve been doing vaccines for years and years and years. It’s just a different virus. Luckily they were able to investigate it and do the research when it was actually a live virus and not made in the lab. So it’s just like the flu vaccine in my opinion. It’s just, we have to figure out how often we need to take it. So I’m excited to take it, and I would hope that the community would follow so that we can hopefully get back to some sense of normalcy.”
Dr. Muhammad Mirza, medical oncologist at Baptist Memorial Hospital-desoto
“It’s an exciting day. This messenger RNA was supposed to be developed for cancer patients. And it’s working, so far
in the studies, it works so good. We’re excited and hopefully, we’ll see it used more and more in the future.
“I feel better than getting a flu vaccine. It was a painless shot. No pain. It’s a no-brainer. I’m telling people with this pandemic, everybody should get it when they are eligible, and the sooner the better. There’s no need to wait.”
Dr. Steve Threlkeld, medical director of infectious disease for Baptist Memorial Health Care
“(I’m) relieved. It’s just a great moment for everybody in this. It’s an amazing advancement in science and in medicine. And it’s the beginning of the end of something that’s been a terrible situation on so many fronts. So many people have died, so many families have been separated and so many livelihoods have been damaged. And so to be able to move out of that is a step one. And so we need people to continue to be careful until we can get enough people this vaccine to really do its job.
“Get the facts. Those of us in healthcare who are getting this know the facts, we’ve studied them. You’re not going to sneak up on us with some concern that we hadn’t thought of, yet we got it. We think it’s a statistical nobrainer. And if you’re worried, just make sure that you’re getting the facts from a trusted person who really knows the facts, not just someone who’s posting on social media, but someone who understands the numbers and who can give you the advice that you need about your particular situation — ideally, your physician or healthcare provider.”
Wanda Grayson, ICU nurse manager at Baptist Memorial Hospital-desoto
“It feels great. It feels like I was able to take part in taking the first step to hopefully eradicating this virus which has caused devastation for so many families during this time. And it has just totally stressed the healthcare system. And I’m just glad to be a part of it and hoping to decrease this virus and (get) us to some sense of normalcy.
“What I would say is do your research but also pray and be faithful and know that God is with us and that this vaccine is here to help us. Mask up, mask up.”