Wife disapproves when man tries to break language barrier

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I speak English as our native language. I also speak other languages fluently, although my wife does not.

When we travel to a country where I speak the language, she insists I speak only English. She says everybody in the world now speaks English and accuses me of showing off when I converse with a local in his or her language. She says it makes her uncomfortable.

I realize many people in other countries speak some — or even a lot of — English, but many do not. What do you think? — Speechless in Atlanta DEAR SPEECHLESS: Much as your wife might wish it, not everybody in the world speaks English. That you are able to speak to individuals in their native language is a tremendous asset when you travel. It makes for a warmer welcome and a fuller experience wherever you go, and I hope you will continue to use the skill you have worked to acquire.

However, to carry on long, involved conversations while your wife just stands there is rude, and if you find out that the person with whom you are talking also speaks English, you should make an effort to see that she is included.

DEAR ABBY: I was born with a very weak heart. At the age of 23, I went into heart failure and needed surgery. It has been two years since my open heart procedure, and it has changed my life for the best.

As a young, semi-attractive male, I feel insecure about my scar. I went to the beach with friends, and so many people looked at my scar I got uncomfortable and put my shirt back on for the rest of the time. I haven’t gone back to the beach since. And in situations where guys go shirtless, I wear mine even over the protests of my friends.

I can’t get over the scar. I feel like I’m disfigured. Any advice on how I can deal with this huge change?

— Self-conscious in Georgia

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: Because you’re sensitive about the scar, perhaps you should talk to a plastic surgeon about your options in having it reduced. However, in my opinion, you are not “disfigured” — you are ALIVE. You fought for your life and won.

Few people get through life without some “battle scars.” Since you can’t change the fact that it’s there, consider changing the way you think about it. In a way, it’s your medal of honor. Scars have been known to fade with time, and so does self-consciousness.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson will be getting married in Chicago. What’s the appropriate dress code regarding wearing pantyhose these days? It seems everyone you see in a dress is bare-legged. I want to be comfortable, but also appropriately dressed. — Best-dressed grandma DEAR GRANDMA: It depends upon how formal the wedding will be and whether it will be held indoors or outside. If it’s outside and informal, and the weather is hot and humid, you could go bare-legged. However, if it’s indoors and the attire is dressy — and you want to maintain your reputation as “best-dressed granny” — hold up your “end” and wear pantyhose.

Natalie Merchant was a major star in the late 1980s and 1990s, first with 10,000 Maniacs and then with a solo career where her debut went platinum times five. She dropped off the pop music map after her 2001 album, “Motherland,” and this month is releasing her first disc of new compositions since then.

Those years weren’t spent lounging on the couch. Merchant is a divorced single mom of a 10-year-old. She financed and recorded, with some 130 musicians, a double album that put children’s poetry to music. She recorded folk covers and curated retrospectives on 10,000 Maniacs and her solo music. She’s worked and done benefits for causes, particularly the anti-fracking movement. She served on the New York State Council on the Arts.

“Natalie Merchant,” her first album in 13 years, reveals an earthier, even soulful Merchant, particularly on the lead track “Ladybird.” She sings about divorce, aging, Hurricane Katrina, people displaced by war and oldtime Hollywood on the album, released last Tuesday.

The 50-year-old sat in a New York record company office to talk about where she’s been and where she’s going.

The Associated Press: Did you lose the desire to make music?

Merchant: I kept writing. There was this excruciating point about three years ago when I had a friend come over. She was having a difficult time because of some tragedy in her family. She was lying on the couch and she just asked me to play. I started playing the piano and she said, ‘What are you working on?’ And I pulled out this giant book of chord progressions and lyrics that I’d been working on for 10 years. I spent the whole afternoon playing for her and she was weeping at points. It was an audience of one. She said, ‘Why aren’t you recording any of these songs?’ I realized it was overdue.

AP: Did you lose interest in being in the business of music?

Merchant: I wasn’t interested in being a part of the music industry after digital downloading happened. My record company, Elektra, just vanished and was revived recently. I signed at my label at 19 and by the time I left at 39, I recognized a handful of people. There was turnover, but then there were just massive executions. Everyone was fired. I just thought it was the appropriate time in my life to step back and start a family, reassess why I dig music and what music I wanted to do, but also get away from the ‘sky is falling’ mentality.

AP: How does it feel to be back?

Merchant: Well, I’ve given up all ambition and all expectations. All that I can do is make the most satisfying recordings of my music as I possibly can, and then it’s in God’s hands. ... I live a pretty humble existence. I really try not to live above the means of a successful, small-town dentist. I have one house; I own that house, one car. Because I was fiscally conservative, I have this incredible luxury of not having to worry about it. So my motivation can be that I just want to make music that moves me and hopefully can move other people. If nobody hears it, I have a wonderful life. I love gardening as much as I love music. The thing that keeps me competitive, or stay engaged, is that I look at popular culture in America and I feel that there’s room for my voice and there’s a need for my voice.

AP: Do you ever get nostalgic for 10,000 Maniacs and their music and do you think you’ll ever play with them again?

Merchant: It was 21 years ago, and so much has happened since. I play some of that music, sometimes. Like most artists, I’m so much more interested in what I’m doing now.