Daughter struggles to resolve mom’s failure to defend her
DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 50s, disabled and live with my elderly mother. Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. therapy because I live with her My mother finally caught him and I know she will quiz me in the act, but the next day about what we talked about they acted like nothing had in the sessions. I just want to happened. He never did it keep the peace and not risk her again, and it was never spoken going into a tirade about how about, ever. she “did what she had to do.” I
I have read about women don’t know what to do. Please who caught their husbands help. abusing their children and — Still hurting in Nevada kicked them out, pressed charges, etc. It makes me think DEAR STILL HURTING: You I didn’t matter enough for her should absolutely talk about to do that. I confronted her this to a therapist. If your about it a few years ago. Her mother demands to know what response was that it would you’re discussing, tell her. If have been in all the papers (my she unleashes a tirade, invite parents were prominent local her to accompany you to a session musicians in our town), and so she can explain to your there was no way she could therapist that she didn’t kick have raised two kids on her her child-molesting husband own. out because she was afraid she
I still have a deep ache inmy couldn’t support herself and soul that tells me that I don’t two children alone. (Was your matter as much as other human beings. I resist going to
sibling also assaulted?)
You and your mom are both adults. You should be able to have a frank discussion without her intimidating you with her anger. If anyone has a right to be angry, it is you. And she should clearly understand how her inaction affected you for all these years, and possibly your sibling, aswell.
DEAR ABBY: I never used to be a supporter of same-sex marriage. During the 2008 presidential elections, I posted my opinions about it on social media. Since then, I have changed my mind. The most significant reason is that I worked closely with a gay woman for four years. After I got to know her, her wife and two children, I realized they are the same as any other happy family.
I feel I may have offended s ome friends when I posted those views -- specifically, my best friend from childhood, who has come out as gay. I’d like to send her a message letting her know my opinion has changed and that I support her. Do you think I should reach out to her, or leave the past in the past? And if I do, what should I say?
— Adding my voice for equality
DEAR ADDING: By all means reach out. I congratulate you for becoming more aware of and compassionate about LGBT issues in the last few years.
Tell your friend about your change of heart since those posts were written, that you hope her life is happy and fulfilling, and offer an apology if you caused her any hurt. If you would like to explain why your feelings changed, do that, too. I’m sure she will be interested, and glad to know.