Rick Koster offers weekly lists of ideas, notions and things that must be seen to be believed

During my weekly segment with Lee Elci on 94.9 News Now a few days ago, he and I revisited a familiar topic — which is that we both loathe insects and, in particular, spiders. Ticks are a close second on the Spook-Me-Out-O-Meter, with an acknowledged caveat: while entomologists point out that spiders do a great deal of good in nature by eating other insects, Lee and I can think of zero reasons why the ecosystem requires ticks.

The reason for this discussion was that the weather is about to turn vernal. My wife and I saw the season's first fly yesterday, and I'm pretty sure it was carrying a plague. And if we see a fly, can spiders and ticks be far behind?

No! In fact, there's probably a cluster of spiders — toxic, no doubt — already lurking outside our bedroom window, plotting to invade in the same strategic fashion of a coterie of witches prepping for a Black Mass.

Anyway, on-air, Lee and I had just managed to calm ourselves when Rich from Groton called in with a chuckle-y little anecdote about a friend who suffers from sleep apnea and wears one of those masks at night to help him breathe in unimpeded fashion. I think they're called CPAP masks — for "continuous positive airway pressure" — and the idea, of course, is that you awake fully oxygenated, rested and refreshed.

At least until — in Rich from Groton's friend's case — a spider is INSIDE your CPAP mask and bites you and you have to go to the emergency room because your face is rotting through some arachnidan necrotizing agent.

This was horrible to contemplate, particularly since LAST WEEK I was diagnosed with "mild sleep apnea" and, yes, will require one of those Spider Helmets — er, sleep masks — to get a good night's rest. Well, good luck with that. I'll never sleep again.

Some thoughts on CPAP headgear in the light of this discussion: 1 Apparently, you can order from a variety of handsome variations on these masks. I'm hoping to be able to afford the one where the straps that secure the apparatus to my nose and mouth are made of living, writhing centipedes. 2 My "fitting" session with the Sleep Wizards is next week. I anticipate the helpful Sleep Professional politely asking, "What type of spider would you like with this?" 3 Will the noise from my breathing appartus keep my pet ticks awake? 4 Truthfully, I don't actually worry about bugs in my CPAP mask, but I admit to being a little concerned with this new "Cockroach in a Tube" toothpaste I bought.