Pick's List

President Trump insists he's the subject of the greatest witch hunt in history. It's worthy of discussion because, for example, I'm a moron and originally thought the President meant he was being hunted BY witches. Why not? Those who have access to Trump's inner sanctum report he is "a bit spooked out" by the idea of literal witches and has numerous Hex Signs hanging throughout the Oval Office and in the pro shop at Mar a Lago.

As Trump and I are both confused, I thought it might help to establish some historical context on "witch hunt."

1 Prehistoric paintings on cave walls in Lascaux, France, depict female stick figures in conical hats and with what appear to be brooms, standing in line to obtain fish and game licenses at a primitive Parks & Wildlife Office.

2 In 1597, a book by James VI and I — yes, he was one king with, for some reason, two Roman numerals — was published on the subject of witchcraft. It was titled "Daemonologie" and Chapter 17, "Witch Hounds," guides the novice Witch Hunter in the care and training of a now-extinct type of dog that had been bred exclusively to track and corner the wily necromancers. (Interesting side note: witch hounds looked like a cross between a Scottish deerhound and a greyhound, but with a nose like Karl Malden.)

3 In the original folio of "Macbeth," scribbled in Shakespeare's handwriting in the margins of Act One, where the three hags do the "bubble bubble/toil/trouble" cauldron scene, the Bard makes a note: "Shouldest I make it clear to audience that the toad, feeny snake, newt, frog, bat etc simmering in the pot were all captured in-season?"

4 In 1692, Salem Witch Trial magistrate John Hathorne sent a messenger to the home of fellow magistrate Jonathan Corwin to confirm a "dudes-weekend-out witch-procurement trip." Hathorne conveyed that he would "bring the beer and cigars" if Corwin could "rent the lodge and arrange for hookers."

5 There's a "lost episode" of the 1964-1972 television show "Bewitched," a popular series that starred Elizabeth Montgomery as modern-day conjurer Samantha Stevens living in a pleasant suburb. In this episode — which Sean Spicer confirms the President has acquired and watches over and over — citizens panick and burn Samantha on a huge pyre during the high school homecoming football game. "Listen to her scream!" Spiceman quotes the President as saying in a hushed tone of reverence and awe.

6 Trump, following the advice of Margaret Hamilton, the Wicked Witch of the West in “The Wizard of Oz,” has augmented Secret Service protection with a squadron of “black ops” munchkins.