Roommate complicates ‘friends with benefits’ setup

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been spending time with a certain gentleman for more than five years. I am in love with him. We dated at first, then became friends with benefits. He had another woman move in with him a few years ago, but we are still friends with benefits, and he has become my best friend. He listens when I need someone to talk to and knows how to give a good pep talk when I need one. We talk several hours a day and text throughout the day.

I know in my heart we are meant to be together. He tells me he loves me but says he can’t ask the other woman to move out because she doesn’t have anywhere to go until she makes the person living in her house move out. How do I talk to him about this?

— OTHER WOMAN

DEAR OTHER WOMAN: Friends do not string friends along for years, which is what this “gentleman” has been doing to you.

He invited the other woman to move in because she is providing something he finds of value. (Are you sure they haven’t gotten married or enjoy similar benefits?) If he wanted her out, he would find a way to do it. During your next “hourslong” phone call, tell him that as much as you care for him, you can no longer continue to live in limbo. Give him a deadline to get rid of his houseguest and, if he doesn’t meet it, cut off his “benefits.”

DEAR ABBY: As a woman, I am infuriated by men of all ages who have to adjust their crotches all the time. Is there any way we can tell these men that what they’re doing is vulgar and embarrassing, and it’s rude to do this in public? I’m almost tempted to caress my breasts with both hands and push upward. But I guess that would be worse. Any ideas?

— INFURIATED IN TOPEKA

DEAR INFURIATED: Forget hoisting your breasts skyward. Rather than succumb to infuriation, dig deep and try to feel some sympathy. This has everything to do with our Creator’s grand design. Because men’s genitalia are external, they sometimes get pinched in their clothing, which is uncomfortable. It’s only natural that they reflexively try to remedy the situation. Because it bothers you so much, try looking elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: After a long period of infertility, a dear friend of mine found out she is expecting. Unfortunately, a mutual friend at work stole her thunder and told me about the pregnancy before she had a chance to tell me herself. While I’m pleased to hear that she’s pregnant, I’m also a bit upset that because I already know, I can no longer give her a genuine reaction consisting of love, shock and excitement when she tells me face-to-face. Of course I will still express how happy I am, but should I let her know I was already informed?

— ALREADY KNOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ALREADY KNOW: By all means tell your friend how happy you are for her and that you know how long she has wanted this. Express to her how exciting the news is, but do NOT tell her you already heard it from a co-worker. — noon, Mohegan Sun Wolf Den; free. — 7:30 p.m., Mohegan Sun Arena; with Joyous Wolf; $25-$45; 1-800-745-3000. — 7:30 p.m., Foxwoods’ Grand Theater; $150$350; 1-800-200-2882. — 8 p.m., Foxwoods’ Fox Theater; $35-$45; 1-800-200-2882.

— 7:30 p.m., Norwich Arts Center, 60 Broadway; featuring the Sonya Rae Taylor Band; $25, $23 seniors, military and students, $20 members; (860) 887-2789.

— 2 and 7:30 p.m., The Goodspeed, 6 Main St., East Haddam; tickets start at $29; (860) 873-8668.

— 10:30 a.m., Crozier Williams Student Center, Connecticut College, 270 Mohegan Ave., New London; gentle and creative dance; free; (401) 261-7062.

— 1-3 p.m., Stonington Free Library, 20 High St.; free; (860) 535-0658.

— 3-6 p.m., Lawrence + Memorial Hospital, 365 Montauk Ave., New London.

— 4 p.m., Public Library of New London, 63 Huntington St.; free; (860) 447-1411.

— 6 p.m., Bill Library, 718 Colonel Ledyard Highway, Ledyard; free; (860) 4649912.

— 6:30 p.m., Waterford Public Library, 49 Rope Ferry Road; book talk with the author of “Angeline: Illevante’s Curse”; free; (860) 444-5805.

— 7 p.m., Mystic and Noank Library, 40 Library St., Mystic; functional hand workshop; free; (860) 536-8477.

— 7 p.m., Savoy Bookshop and Cafe, 10 Canal St., Westerly; book talk and signing with the author of “100 Things to Do in Rhode Island Before You Die”; free; (401) 213-3901.

— 7:30 p.m., Clark Lane Middle School, 105 Clark Lane, Waterford; free.

— 10 a.m., Groton Public Library, 52 Newtown Road; musical program for all ages with an adult; free; (860) 441-6750.

— 10:30 a.m,. Stonington Free Library, 20 High St.; for ages 18 months to 3 years; free; (860) 535-0658.

— 10:30 a.m., Otis Library, 261 Main St., Norwich; music and dance program for ages 3-5; free; registration required; (860) 889-2365.

— 11:30 a.m., Wheeler Library, 101 Main St., North Stonington; for children ages 3-5 with an adult; free; (860) 535-0383.

— 2:15 p.m., East Lyme Public Library, 39 Society Road; for children ages 3-5 with an adult; free; (860) 7396926.

— 3 p.m., Waterford Public Library, 49 Rope Ferry Road; hoop dancing workshop for all ages; free; (860) 4445805.

— 5:30 p.m., Groton Public Library, 52 Newtown Road; Junior Friends make crafts to deliver to seniors and homebound individuals; free; (860) 4416750.

— 6:30 p.m., East Lyme Public Library, 39 Society Road; for all ages with an adult; free; (860) 739-6926.