The new paid family leave, and how some workers are using it

The U.S. remains the only industrialized country that doesn’t guarantee workers paid family leave. In 2018, just 17 percent of civilian workers could get paid time off from work to care for a new child or ill family member, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That figure dips to 11 percent for workers at the smallest companies.

But a tightening labor market and a vast cohort of millennial workers beginning to start families are putting pressure on employers to expand their benefits to attract and retain workers. Eight states, plus the District, have also passed laws that require workers or their employer to pay into state paid leave funds through payroll contributions. And President Trump has signed a bill that, for the first time, will provide paid leave for the federal government’s estimated 2.1 million civilian employees following the birth, adoption or fostering of a child.

Large employers are offering more weeks of paid leave to employees trying to meet family obligations, such as caring for an elderly parent or sick older child, coping with the death of a family member, or in some instances taking care of a new pet.

“We’re seeing an increasing trend in interest in covering things that plague families beyond parental leave,” said Carol Sladek, who leads work-life consulting for the human resources consulting firm Aon. “It’s definitely bubbling up from employees: ‘But what about me? I’ve already raised my kid. I’m in my 50s, and my 85-year-old mom is sick.’”

Here are some stories, edited for length and clarity, of how some workers are using these broader definitions of paid leave:

‘Permission to not have guilt’

My mother died in the fall of 2017. She lived with cancer for about five years, but the last couple of months were probably the most trying. I have two pretty small children — at that time they were 8 years old — and it was very hard for me.

I was taking an awful lot of paid time off and working from home as much as I could. I had the best support from my leaders and colleagues. But what was present was a lot of guilt. If I was at an appointment with her, I

“We’re seeing an increasing trend in interest in covering things that plague families beyond parental leave.”

— CAROL SLADEK, WHO LEADS WORK-LIFE CONSULTING FOR THE HUMAN RESOURCES CONSULTING FIRM AON

was always skimming email. There wasn’t this approved, defined leave that I was on.

Then in February of this year, we found out my father had very aggressive mesothelioma. When his decline started, it was rapid. He didn’t feel good and nothing sounded good to eat. There are all the side effects: Trouble-shooting constipation with your dad while sitting outside the bathroom door. That is the day of a caregiver. And then there’s the worrying. I just couldn’t sleep well.

The first week he was in hospice, he was on these medicines that you can really only get there. He was able to walk pretty well with a walker, and he had pretty good energy. There was this one day where he felt good — like surprisingly good — and I pulled my boys out of their summer care program and brought them over to play a board game. We could do something happy with him.

To give somebody the permission to not have guilt about how they’re juggling work with the really trying job of caregiving — it’s indescribable. I don’t think anybody can know what it’s like until you go through it.

— Jackie Christie, project manager, Best Buy, Richfield, Minn. Company offers paid family caregiving leave of up to four weeks.

‘The right thing to do’

Georgia was the first Coppel girl to be born into my family since the late 1950s. So it’s pretty special. She’s two now, and she’s taught me how to play with dolls and have tea parties. I always tell her she’s my princess. I’m very, very close to her — when she sees me, she’ll get very excited.

It was great to be able to take extra leave just to bond with her. I didn’t take three straight days, but just took the time here or there. You have to take the three days within the child’s first year of life.

Twice I provided day care for the day. The first couple of days it was just me, proudly walking around the neighborhood with a baby carriage. I had to make sure I stuck by her schedule. Another time we went to a petting zoo.

With my grandson, I had to take paid [vacation], and I gladly did that. But it was nice not having to do that the second time around. [Having a named paid leave for grandparents] codifies the opportunity. It’s structured. It’s very apparent that this is what the company wants you to do.

That absolutely makes a big difference. It’s there in black and white — there’s no doubt about whether my manager is going to support that. It takes an element of stress off your shoulders. There’s not going to be any ramifications.

My grandkids call me “Pop Pop.” When my grandson started talking and started calling me “Pop Pop” I recorded it and downloaded it into my phone as a ringtone. Anyone in my family who called, my phone would go “Pop Pop!” I’d be in a meeting with a bunch of people, and they’re all smiling and laughing. Now it’s very typical [for people in the office] to say, “Hey Pop Pop.” I proudly own that. It kind of sets a tone. I hope it helps others be comfortable that [taking time off for your family] is the right thing to do.

— Steve Coppel, systems engineering manager, Cisco, Owings Mills, Md. Company offers three paid days off for new grandparents.

The last days with Maddie

We are a blended family. When my husband’s daughter Maddie came back from summer camp in 2017, she was feeling a lot of tingling in her digits. She had previously been diagnosed with something called POTS, or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. She had had hundreds — literally hundreds — of tests below her neck to get to that diagnosis. Her pediatrician said [the finger tingling] sounds neurological, and the only thing left to do is a brain scan. And with that scan we saw she had a brain tumor.

She had surgery, followed by 33 treatments of proton radiation. In March, she had another MRI and we saw very quickly that the tumor grew back. The doctors said, “This is a very mean tumor, a very determined tumor.” She was immediately scheduled for a second surgery. She went through five cycles of different kinds of chemo combinations, none of which worked. In November 2018 she went on a last ditch effort, an immunotherapy drug.

We had been managing as a family well enough. But on Jan. 19 we received a panicked phone call from Alexandra, Maddie’s mom, that she was in the middle of having a major seizure. That ended up being the trigger for my taking leave.

Maddie became paralyzed on the right side. She had to be intubated in the ambulance, and then was taken from New Jersey down to Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia in a horrific snowstorm. My leave started on Jan. 21 and Maddie passed away on March 3, 2019.

While I was on leave, I was sort of the family unit manager: What’s the schedule today? Who needs to be where? What medicines need to be taken? We had to make a lot of modifications to Maddy’s room and bed, so I went to the lumber yard to get wood slats to put across the bottom of her bed. I went to the medical supply store to get compression socks. I got bowls and utensils that she could use to eat.

I truly believe that Alexandra and Tom knew that these were the last weeks, days and hours with Maddie. I was the go person, because I wanted to give them the time that they wanted and needed to be with their daughter.

I took 12 weeks off. We have eight weeks paid through the caregiver leave and there was an allowance for an additional four weeks that was unpaid [by BMS].

But I took some additional time just to grieve. There was still so much to do after Maddie passed. [Without the leave], I don’t even know how we would have handled it.

— Jodi Hutchison-Sanford, communications leader, manufacturing; Bristol-Myers Squibb, New Brunswick, N.J. Company offers eight weeks of paid caregiver leave, with the option of an additional four weeks unpaid.

Cancer returns

It was sort of a gradual progression at first — my mom was less mobile than she had been. She began losing weight. We thought it was Lyme Disease at the time, but she was much sicker than we realized.

She had had a previous bout of breast cancer when I was in high school, but it had been so long that it just didn’t jump immediately to our minds that maybe it had come back.

I was traveling for work and got a call from my dad and it was confirmed that she had cancer. It had spread to her bones, to her lymph nodes, to her brain and skull.

I got support from my project to take some time off. I wasn’t sure if I might want work to distract me to some degree, but I knew I wanted to spend all my time and energy on my family. My dad had been taking care of her near full time for a couple of months, and I knew he needed my help.

I started out mainly helping with preparing food and helping her go to the bathroom. My dad and I would have to clean her and change her; later on it would include things like rolling her over and making sure she didn’t get bedsores. But just as important was having conversations with her, recounting memories, bringing some small moments of happiness.

My fiancée Brittany and I had been dating for five years. We realized we both really wanted to make sure she could participate in our wedding. So we approached my mom with the idea of having a small intimate ceremony in the house. We flew in Brittany’s immediate family, we had my sisters and my dad there. We got married in the hallway to my mom’s bedroom. She loved it.

Her funeral was at the end of March. I decided to take some extra weeks for bereavement. I began transcribing my mom’s journals into digital copies so I could go back and read through and get a better understanding of who she was, earlier in my life.

— Brendan Ricci, senior consultant, Deloitte, Arlington, Va. Company offers 16 weeks paid leave for the addition of a child, or to care for an ill family member.