The Day

Woman destroys marriage and attempts to move on

- By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Maddie,” 34, just left what I thought was a great marriage. After only five years, she cheated on her husband, “Glenn.” Their 6-year-old son is crushed. I know there are two sides to every story, but our entire family loves Glenn. He’s a hard worker, but quiet and kind of a homebody.

I think poor communicat­ion and lack of excitement were her issues with him. (She refuses to talk with me about the situation, so I’m surmising based on what I know of them both.) This was their first marriage, but ever since high school, Maddie had a long string of boyfriends. Most of them seemed to be nice guys (she’s had a few duds), but when Maddie’s dad and I got to know them and became fond of them, she’d dump them.

I think Maddie is upset with me because I can’t warm up to her newest guy. When she started cheating with him, he was also married. (He’s now divorced.) He’s a good bit older than she is, and I don’t picture this relationsh­ip lasting. I have met him a couple of times and been friendly enough, but I haven’t friended him on social

media. She posts photos of them together, and I rarely “like” the photos because I DON’T like them.

I hate what she’s done. It really hurts me. How can I get past this, and how should I handle what I feel is pressure from her to accept this new guy?


DEAR STANDING BY: Your first priority should be to create as stable an environmen­t for your grandchild as possible. There may have been problems in Maddie and Glenn’s marriage that you weren’t privy to. Be cordial to the new man in your daughter’s life, and in the future stop allowing yourself to become as emotionall­y invested with the men she dates as you have in the past. From your descriptio­n of Maddie’s pattern, there may be more on the horizon.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-yearold man. I have a 33-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old granddaugh­ter. My relationsh­ip with my granddaugh­ter is nonexisten­t. My only relevance to her is in the role of benefactor. She promises to spend time, visit, call or write, but never follows through. On the other hand, she has no problem reaching out via cash app or any other platform for money.

Every year, in the months before Christmas, I start receiving calls or texts from her. Once the holidays are over, it’s business as usual. Going forward I plan to ignore her inquiries. Conversati­ons with her and my daughter aren’t working. What do you suggest? — MORE THAN MONEY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MORE: Because conversati­ons with your daughter haven’t worked, have another one with your granddaugh­ter. Keep in mind that at 14, she may be somewhat self-centered, but she should be told how being ignored for long periods makes you FEEL. Explain that you are no longer willing to give gifts of money to a person you aren’t interactin­g with. Then see if she follows through.

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