Cars a popular place for a good cry
Maybe a particularly moving story on public radio sets you off. Or simmering frustration after fighting with a spouse. Maybe it’s a song that reminds you of a loved one who’s died, or it’s been a bad day at work.
Maybe you’re just really tired. Whatever the cause, it seems that a lot of us cry in the car.
“Car cries are kinda my thing,” one friend wrote on Twitter. Another added: “I have a long and storied car-cry history, including favorite places and full discography.”
People brought up triggers many can relate to: tears shed after dropping a child off at college, or flowing during the car ride when moving away from a beloved home. One friend said it’s long drives after busy days that get to him: “Solitude and time uncork all the feels.”
My dad died last year and the car has been a significant spot for my grieving process; it’s probably the place I’ve cried the most since losing him. Most bouts seem to happen on the drive home after dropping my youngest child off at preschool and finding myself suddenly alone for the first time after our always busy and draining morning routine. So why is letting down your guard behind the wheel a phenomenon?
For many, music is a big factor. My friend isn’t the only one who has a car-crying playlist; my own cache of surefire tear-jerkers includes Sia’s “Breathe Me” and Nina Simone’s version of “Here Comes the Sun.”
Paul Silvia, Luck Spinks Keker Excellence professor at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, looked at the deep emotional responses people have when listening to music, including crying. When his team asked people about crying in response to music, they reported that the most common place it happens is at home. The second most common is in their cars.
“It’s a surprisingly contemplative place,” said Silvia, noting that there’s temperature control and usually a nice audio system. More important, people are often alone, headed to or leaving work or home, or on a long road trip, providing rare freedom.
“When people are by themselves, they tend to break out stuff that they don’t listen to around people,” Silvia said. “People are much more likely to listen to music that’s depressing, or reminds them of personally sad experiences.”
They even do it on purpose, he said, inviting a “good cry” when it’s needed. There’s the psychological torture of playing “our song” after a breakup, for instance.
But it’s not always sad, he said. People are moved to a more euphoric brand of crying with certain music, such as the bigger, bombastic numbers you hear in a Broadway musical or sung by a choir. These intense but inspired bursts of crying often happen in the car, as well (this happened to me recently when I played “Do You Hear the People Sing” from “Les Miserables” for my children as we drove to after-school activities; I just couldn’t stop thinking about the earthshaking power of a citizenry bent on righteous revolution. At that moment, perhaps thinking of the challenges our own country faces, the music made me inspired and teary.)