WRESTLER GRAY HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ’21
Her dad is a cop. Her husband is Black. During a year we’ll never forget but hope never to repeat, U.S. wrestler Adeline Gray has grappled with serious stuff that can weigh heavy on the heart, including whether she should give up her quest for Olympic gold to pursue the dream of motherhood.
The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything about this crazy year for Gray.
“I’m trying to have abs instead of a baby bump,” said Gray, who deferred her desire to become a mother to wrestle at the Summer Games in Japan.
During her 30 years, Gray has blazed a trail on the wrestling mat, long regarded as a place where only males went out to play. She has won five world championships along the way, while showing how beautiful the strength of a 167-pound woman can be.
When the pandemic hit with tornado force in March 2020, uprooting our best-laid plans, Gray cried in the sauna at the Olympic training center, uncertain where she would make her home while riding out the COVID storm, and not even sure if she would ever again compete in a sport that had defined her life since age 6.
“It’s the rockiest road I’ve ever had to stand on,” Gray said.
But she refused to let the pandemic break her.
On a bone-chilling Wednesday morning, the proud Denver native and Bear Creek High School alum sat in the U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Museum, framed by a huge window filled with storm clouds spilling over the Rocky Mountains, and revealed that the heart of a champion can harbor doubt.
“I want to quit wrestling most days,” said Gray, chuckling.
When COVID-19 shook us to the core and we tried not to let the pandemic steal a year of living, it forced Gray to decide if the postponement of the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo was a sign she should leave her wrestling shoes in the center of the mat and redefine the core elements of her identity.
“I went through highs and lows where I thought: ‘Maybe this is the right year to stop,'” Gray said. “I definitely had some moments where I did want to step away from the sport.”
The champ cannot wait to become a mom. But wait Gray must, to say nothing of the patience embraced by Damaris Sanders, her husband.
“I was planning on being pregnant right now,” said Gray, who mapped out in her head a detailed plan become a mother in 2021. “And to have that mental switch to train for another entire year is very hard.”
After victories Edmonton to Budapest, Gray has raised the U.S. flag over her head with both hands, waving her love of country for the world to see. But the deaths of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd reminded us how stark the racial divide can be when we consider what our pledge for liberty and justice for all really means.
It’s a very personal issue for Gray.
“I’m married to a Black man and I know that (resulted) in some very uncomfortable discussions in our own household. My father is a police officer. But my husband grew up with a very different view of how he’s seen in the world,” said Gray, whose spouse is a U.S. Army Ranger.
“How do we move forward in this world? How do we make it so Black people feel safe around police officers? And how do we make it so police officers feel like they are doing their jobs well enough to help everyone in our society?”
Nearly five years ago, knowing an Olympic championship can change the fortunes of a female competitor in a nation where the gender gap for our admiration for athletic success is a yawning canyon, Gray competed at the 2016 Summer Games with an injured shoulder that would require surgery. She won her first match, but was eliminated in the quarterfinals.
“This is work. I have to do things that hurt my body … But I’ve been able to do amazing things through this sport,” said Gray, who regained her health to win world championships in 2018 and 2019.
After her final match in Tokyo this summer, she will return home to Colorado, perhaps with a medal in her pocket. But there definitely will be determination to start a family, accompanied by the faith her kids will grow up in an America where shared love for country never surrenders to hate sowed to divide us.
“My husband and I have a great relationship, but we had some rocky moments in the last year,” Gray said.
“He was so very supportive in my career, but we also had to deal with our emotional issues of being a mixed-race couple. In the long run, it will definitely help. It helps to know our mixed children will have a better mom, because I now have a little better perspective of what it means when you grow up as young Black male.”