LA TIMES CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Game that’s somewhat pointless? 8 Spanish
language apps 13 Casserole nugget 15 Brightness
17 Self-made
person?
18 Like some
barbecue
19 Dale 20 Competed like
Kobayashi 22 Dealt with 23 Colorful wrap
26 “The Hurting
Kind” poet Limón 28 Couple of bucks 29 Loaded
32 “No joke!” 33 Drain
34 Texter’s
“Success!”
35 Pro certified in
BLS
36 Really bad
situation
39 Home of
Fangorn Forest and the Misty Mountains
40 “__ plaisir!” 41 First name in
rational egoism 42 Lineup at a
charging station 47 Where workers
cut the mustard? 49 Shakshouka
ingredient 51 Storm antecedent, perhaps 52 Tolerates
54 Teen drama
starring Zendaya 57 1977 Travolta
role
58 Home inspection
concern
59 Showed again 60 “Feel me?”
DOWN
1 Couple of bucks 2 “Ungodly Hour” R&B duo Chloe x __
3 Unqualified 4 Singer __ Marie 5 Bobby in an iconic Stanley Cup Final photo 6 Four Corners
Native
7 Pilate’s wear
8 Verbal
headshake 9 Famous name in
cookies 10 Models 11 “Right?”
12 Card handed to
a TSA agent 14 Rando
16 Quick drink
21 Wikipedia tussle 24 Set in motion 25 Unit of time often used hyperbolically
27 Pangolin snack 30 T-Boz and Chilli
bandmate
31 “Faust”
dramatist 32 Apple press
release?
33 Bench
36 Source of cheap
shots?
37 Irish __ 38 Wednesday’s
cousin
39 Formal
address
43 Rock cake kin 44 Cup size 45 Protective
cover?
46 Big hit
48 Transfusion fluids 50 Avo dip
53 “Bye, __”: farewell from a buffalo’s dad, in a classic joke
55 Shared intimacy,
briefly
56 Brewer’s unit
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I’m at a complete loss. About a year ago, my father uprooted our close-knit and happy family by announcing he wanted to divorce my mom after 30 years of marriage. This has absolutely gutted my family and ruined our family friendships because of the disinformation he’s spreading about her.
My mom’s lifelong dream was to throw me a “dream wedding,” which now feels unattainable due to the blow our family has taken, and the fact that he will be paying the bill. I don’t want to spend time with him or his friends, or put on a show for these people, but I want to make my mom happy, so I was OK with it. Until yesterday: I found out my dad has a new, younger girlfriend, and I can’t handle it.
How can I make my mom happy, cut off my dad and still somehow have a happy wedding, if possible? Please help. Gutted
Gutted: once.
First, you just learned about the girlfriend. Don’t do anything rash. Wait till the news settles.
Second, please let the “dream wedding” go. Not because your father did what he did, but because moms don’t get to have their kids’ dreams for them. Period.
Now, parents’ big dreams do work sometimes, where parent and kid are mostly aligned and you both go “yay!” Plus, it may seem like something you can do for your mom at a terrible time, which would in turn help you feel better.
But these options apply only if they’re realistic, and they’re not here. Your dad is not paying the bill – not when you take moral issue with what he’s telling people. There’s no looking the other way at “disinformation” just so he pays the bill.
So adult up and start Dream Plan B. Who’s paying for it, how much, what that buys, where, when, for how many people, including whom. Answer those and there’s your “happy wedding.”
Readers’ thoughts:
OMG, enough with the wedding dreams already. I hated my own wedding because I caved to so much of what my mom wanted (and I’m divorced now anyway).
Your mom may believe it’s what you want. Maybe mom is dreading facing all
●
●
I’m sorry, that is a lot all at those people knowing what her butthead of an ex is saying about her.
Carolyn: Thank you guys for responding. I should provide more context: I don’t have strong opinions, so I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing anything by letting her find some joy in planning my wedding. Where I come from, big weddings are a rite of passage for the parents and their friends. It’s weird, but I don’t mind it. I agree with Carolyn, I need to adult up and figure out a Plan B, knowing my dad will have to be involved in some way.
Gutted again
Gutted again: Spreading rumors is a legitimate dealbreaker. Involvement in your wedding is a privilege, not a right. If you haven’t asked him to cut the badmouthing crap, then ask, and weigh his response among all the complexities of family. The “or else you won’t be at my wedding” is the part of the ultimatum you leave unspoken – and enforce if integrity demands it.
Email Carolyn
at
tellme@washpost.com.