In this twisted relationship, the ‘comfort zone’ is a Twilight Zone

Dear Amy: My partner and I have been fighting nonstop. He wants me to step out of my comfort zone. I have tried.

I let my best friend stay over for a weekend, despite the overwhelming anxiety that something might happen between them while she was with us.

Now, he keeps making passing remarks that if she stays over again, and something happens, it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault. He also thinks that it would definitely get me out of my comfort zone.

There is one problem: I would never agree to something like that.

I feel like he is using the comfort zone thing as a gateway. Am I being too paranoid, or am I just blind? To me, he sounds shady. Any advice would be appreciated.

— Anxious Wreck in Georgia

Dear Anxious Wreck:

My instant reaction is that you should stay in your comfort zone, and very definitely and defiantly push your partner out of it.

You cleverly describe his “comfort zone” admonitions as a “gateway” — presumably toward him getting what he wants but there is a more common term for what he is doing, and it is called: “gaslighting.”

Gaslighting (taken from the wonderful old movie, “Gaslight,”) is when a partner uses their power and influence to basically weaponize another’s insecurity, and then use it against them.

Your guy is being fairly transparent about what he wants, and instead of dealing with your refusal, he is trying to convince you that YOU and your silly need to stay in your comfort zone are the problem.

Furthermore, he is insinuating that you are actually at fault for the fact that he is a manipulative jerk, that your refusal is “anxiety,” and that your suspicions mean that you are “paranoid.”

You are not paranoid. Somebody really IS out to get you.

Dear Amy: I recently had a very serious eye surgery. The surgery was successful but left my eye temporarily — but severely — bloodshot.

It was unsightly, but my doctor insisted that I not wear a patch over it.

I didn’t feel like I should have to hide in my house for two weeks.

What astonished me was the number of people who I know barely — or not at all — who would ask, “What happened to your eye?”

I think this was quite rude, but I simply stated, “I just had surgery.” What do you think?

— Blindsided in NY

Dear Blindsided: Insight (excuse the pun) about asking intrusive questions usually comes about when you are the recipient of intrusive questions.

I have personally been annoyed by similar questions. I also realized that my own annoyance means that — I don’t get to ask. So, you could hobble up to me with your leg in a cast, and I wouldn’t ask you about it, even if I was burning to know and you were burning to tell me.

People are naturally curious. Words sometimes fly out. Your answer: truthful and to the point — was just right.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@tribpub.com.