ASK AMY

The Fresno Bee (Sunday) - - Life -

DEAR AMY: Our older son and his wife are bring­ing her par­ents to our younger son’s out-of-town wed­ding to babysit their 1-year-old.

This babysit­ting doesn’t feel nec­es­sary to any­one ex­cept the young par­ents. The mar­ry­ing cou­ple don’t mind if the young par­ents bring their baby to the wed­ding and have told them it is fine. The in-law babysit­ters are not in­vited to the wed­ding.

It is cre­at­ing an awk­ward dy­namic. Should the out-of-town babysit­ting cou­ple be in­vited to the wed­ding? Would it be more ap­pro­pri­ate to in­clude the babysit­ting adults in the events be­fore and af­ter the wed­ding?

The en­gaged cou­ple are al­ready not invit­ing some of their friends in or­der to keep the cost down.

Wed­ding Guest Con­fu­sion DEAR CON­FU­SION: It sounds like your son and daugh­ter-in-law in­cluded her par­ents as babysit­ters in this out-of-town wed­ding be­cause they don’t want to go to a wed­ding with a 1-year-old.

Your fam­ily now feels some pres­sure to in­vite these in-laws to the wed­ding, in which case the two young par­ents would now be at­tend­ing the wed­ding with a baby and her par­ents. This might not be at all what they had in mind when they started the ball rolling.

Is your son (the dad) pres­sur­ing his brother (the groom) to in­clude his in-laws in the wed­ding?

It would be kind to in­vite the older cou­ple to an­cil­lary events. As the mother of the groom and peer in-law to this older cou­ple, you should en­cour­age the mar­ry­ing cou­ple to ex­tend an in­vi­ta­tion. You should not pres­sure them to is­sue an in­vi­ta­tion.

We love the lit­tle kid­dos in our lives but some­times for­get to give them the ba­sic dig­nity that comes with grow­ing up when they’re not ba­bies any­more.

DEAR AMY: “Frus­trated in a Toxic Work­place” noted that em­ploy­ees in her new com­pany seemed to re­sent her, “mostly be­cause I ask for ser­vices (such as clean­ing of my of­fice), and for ap­pro­pri­ate equip­ment to do my work.”

I’ve worked at one of the largest cor­po­ra­tions in the coun­try for quite some time, and they had no house­keep­ing staff. Ev­ery­one was ex­pected to clean their own of­fice space — man­age­ment in­cluded. It worked re­ally well. Anon

DEAR ANON: Well, that is re­fresh­ing — and re­veal­ing.

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