ASK AMY

The Fresno Bee (Sunday) - - Life - You can contact Amy Dick­in­son via email: [email protected]­dick­in­son.com. Read­ers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also fol­low her on Twit­ter @ask­ingamy or “like” her on Face­book.

Dear Amy: My hus­band has a habit of get­ting in­volved in fam­ily or so­cial events, and at the last minute, mak­ing changes to the plans.

Prior to the “last minute,” he has NO involvemen­t.

What he ac­tu­ally does is just mess ev­ery­thing up a day or two be­fore­hand.

This Fa­ther’s Day was my last straw.

Our GROWN chil­dren had planned a cook­out at one son’s house.

Fri­day evening, my hus­band asked what time Fa­ther’s Day dinner was on Sun­day, I said, “I didn’t know.” So he started say­ing, “I want Fa­ther’s Day here! This is my hol­i­day and my house, and I want it here.”

Amy, my fa­ther passed away last month. My hus­band said, “So are we never hav­ing Fa­ther’s Day for the rest of our lives be­cause your Dad died?”

I was shocked and an­gry.

I replied, “I am not hav­ing it this year, and I NEVER PLAN ON HAV­ING IT, as you have FOUR ADULT CHIL­DREN, and I do ev­ery birth­day and hol­i­day. They can do Fa­ther’s Day!”

He then said, “I’m not com­fort­able any­where but my own house,” which I know is UN­TRUE. What’s wrong with him? No Fa­ther’s Day

Dear No Fa­ther’s Day: I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but let’s try to fig­ure out where you went off the rails:

Your kids had planned a dinner for their fa­ther at your son’s house.

Your hus­band at­tempted to de­rail it by chang­ing the venue. You could have said, “Honey, call your son. This isn’t my hol­i­day to ar­range. It’s called ‘Fa­ther’s Day,’ not ‘Hus­band’s Day.’”

I am sin­cerely sorry you two had this dust-up so soon af­ter your fa­ther’s death. These days are emo­tion­ally loaded, and your hus­band was not com­pas­sion­ate or sup­port­ive. He was out­right un­kind to you.

I hope you can create some healthy bound­aries so that his be­hav­ior doesn’t affect you so much. Try calmly say­ing (no ALL CAPS), “The plans have been made. If you want things to be different, you’ll have to step up, take some re­spon­si­bil­ity, and plan them on your own.”

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