How to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers
Though you’re unlikely to receive professional development training about how to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers, they exist in nearly every workplace. Interacting with a passive-aggressive coworker can provoke feelings of anxiety, confusion, or anger, and working with them can potentially make meetings and collaborations less productive. Working in an environment where you frequently experience passive-aggressive behavior from one or more coworkers is uncomfortable at best. At worst, it can deteriorate professional relationships, negatively affect workplace cohesion, and fuel interpersonal conflict.
WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSION?
Before you learn how to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers, it’s best to understand what qualifies as passive aggression and why a person might resort to this type of behavior. Simply put, passive aggression is a coping mechanism a person might use to communicate negative feelings. Instead of yelling to express anger, for example, a passiveaggressive person might reply sarcastically to whatever provoked their anger. While everyone uses coping mechanisms to manage negative feelings, the problem with passive-aggressive behaviors is that there’s a disconnect between what the passive-aggressive person says and how they’re feeling or what they’re doing. Passive-aggressive behaviors in the workplace
● Project procrastination: Despite being part of a team working on a major project, one team member consistently misses deadlines and forgets their responsibilities. This behavior stems from their frustration with your supervisor’s refusal to grant them a raise.
● Sarcastic compliments: After a meeting where you received praise for a project you collaborated on, a resentful coworker approaches you and sarcastically says, “Congratulations on getting all the credit for that project.”
Speechless staff: Two members of a team you’re managing got into an argument outside of work. You notice during a meeting that although both team members have valuable knowledge to contribute, they remain silent during the entire meeting.
● Feeding the rumor mill: A coworker with a negative opinion of you without a clear reason frequently disparages you to other colleagues, which you discover when your colleagues share what they’ve heard.
METHODS FOR DEALING WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COWORKERS
To address passive-aggressive behavior, rather than criticizing your coworkers, approach them with care, concern, and a goal of improving communication.
Assess the seriousness of the problem
If you notice a sarcastic comment from someone that seems uncharacteristic, it’s worth considering whether it’s a passing remark or a sign of recurring passiveaggressive behavior causing workplace tension. It might be best to let it go if it’s a passing remark, as not every offense requires addressing. But if the behavior is an ongoing issue affecting your relationship, you’ll need to decide how to address the matter with your coworker to improve the situation.
Manage your own emotions
Dealing with passive aggression can be complicated and spark negative emotions, but you should do your best to remain calm when dealing with passive-aggressive coworkers. Remaining calm will help keep the situation under control and model appropriate professional behavior.
Engage in self-reflection
Self-reflection is often challenging when it comes to understanding our role in conflicts. Before addressing a coworker, assess if you contributed to the situation. Take responsibility if you realize you may have upset them or made a mistake in your interaction. Doing so shows your sincere commitment to improving the relationship and demonstrates that you value their feelings instead of merely criticizing or dismissing them.
Begin from a place of empathy
Because you understand the reasons behind passive-aggressive behavior, you can approach your coworker with empathy rather than judgment. Acknowledge the difficulty of expressing concerns in the workplace, emphasizing your commitment to achieving a responsible resolution.
Suggest a goal for improvement
When you approach your coworker, use “I Statements” to assertively communicate your observations and feelings, and follow up your concern with an achievable goal for the relationship. An example might be, “When you miss project deadlines, I feel frustrated and helpless.
I believe your forgetfulness affects the productivity and cohesion of our team. If there’s an issue, it’s important to me that we address it together and find constructive ways to improve our collaboration while also meeting project goals.”