Could Milo Yiannopoulos treat Australia like a lucrative panto gig? Oh, no he couldn’t!
Has Milo Yiannopoulos not thought of doing panto? I am moved to ask after documents surfaced this week revealing the level of the fallen provocateur’s debts, and the level of his inability to handle it. He’d make a serviceable Abanazar, emerging from stage smoke in Kettering to a barrage of sweets thrown by small children. Indeed, with the right direction and a willingness to commit more fully to his Joe Wicks DVD, he could even be a Buttons.
However outraged Milo may currently feel about his diminished star status, we should remind him that Christmas theatre has always been a friend to performers who have been forced – forced! – to send email laments along the lines of: “This weekend I returned my wedding ring to Cartier to wipe out my outstanding debt to them.”
The latter is but one highlight of an exchange between Milo and the organisers of his cancelled Australian tour, in documents obtained by Hope Not Hate. Milo appears to have treated the promoters as a cash line, as well as the only guests at his pity party. At one point, they reluctantly offer to wire him money for “living expenses ie to keep food on the table”, only for him to shoot back that he “will have no way of paying my cleaning lady or paying back the loan from my phone bill. These are not optional expenses … You must pay my doctor and you must do it now … At an absolute bare minimum I need you to pay two months rent …” Blahdy-blahdyblah. It goes on.
The specifics of Milo’s debts illuminate the realities of the politico-intellectual
struggle in which he has been such a … leading light, is it? For instance, he claims to owe $52,016.14 to the HualalaiFour Seasons resort in Hawaii. The CEO of Milo Inc states he owes $1.6m to Milo Inc. Milo himself estimates his personal debts at $496,123.04.
As for the tour itself, it was due to take place this month, during which he would have shared top billing with fellow rightwing provocateur Ann Coulter at events including a “VIP yacht cruise” with the pair on the Gold Coast. Alas, this just wasn’t meant to be. The Australian promoters have finally pulled the plug on it, breaking cover this week to speak to Australian reporters. “It’s been the worst six months of my life,” one of them told a TV news reporter. “He’s a nightmare.”
Yes. If only there’d been some way of suspecting this in advance. The pair seem rather surprised that a man famous for doxxing people has this week doxxed them in retaliation. For his part, Milo has gone full crystaltipped King Lear, promising the cancellation will provoke “a class-action lawsuit on behalf of my fans”. I am reminded of a recent bloviation of his I read, in which he reflected bitterly on some perceived slight by Jordan Peterson. “Peter denied Jesus,” railed Milo, “just as his nominative descendant Peterson has denied me and others.” Waa waa waa.
As I say, would a stint in seasonal entertainment not take his and his bank manager’s mind off things? Then again, in many ways, that was what he was planning with this trip to Australia.
Over the past year or so, Australia has become the equivalent of panto for the alt-right/radical right/far right. You do a few lucrative weeks there; you tell the audiences you love them even as you scream backstage for the hand sanitiser; you get the first plane out and tell yourself your dignity is intact. It’ll be the Palladium next year, and your agent is bound to call with a slot on Fox Nation soon.
Nigel Farage visited the country a few months ago, selling tickets at up to $100 (£55) for a series of lectures entitled An Entertaining Evening With Nigel Farage. Entertainments included Nigel explaining his stepfather’s uncle had fought with the Anzacs and got a VC, Nigel explaining that he was the most popular politician in the UK and Nigel nicking his mate’s material and leading the crowd in a “lock her up!” chant. Unfortunately, he didn’t mention Robert Mueller, denying the audience the opportunity to shriek: “HE’S BEHIND YOU!”
So that was Nigel. Then there was Ann and Milo, but once they’d pulled the plug on that gig series, for the reasons detailed above, the promoters attempted to persuade punters that they’d much rather see the new speaking tour double act they’d booked instead: Ukip spad Tommy Robinson and Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes.
Mmm. Attending a Tommy Robinson speaking engagement feels a lot like attending a giraffe swimming engagement. Amusing at some level, but distressing in fairly short order. You’d feel more in the presence of a professional if you simply watched him commit mortgage fraud for an evening.
Either way, even this replacement option has gone tits up. According to Tommy Robinson’s PA, he “cocked up his diary” and forgot he was leading a Brexit betrayal march this coming Sunday, as part of the festive programming we’re all so much enjoying at the moment. Meanwhile, McInnes’s visa has reportedly been turned down by Australia on grounds of “bad character”. However, according to those tireless promoters, the tour will go ahead next February, with punters asked to pay as much as $995 for “a preshow dinner … champagne reception and VIP seating”.
I suppose there’s a rich tradition of champagne fascism. Even so, I’m not sure quite why Australia is allowing itself to be used as a piggy bank for distressed provocateurs. On a simple watchability level, it does seem such a waste of their vast collection of lethal wildlife. Why not release the Milos, Nigels and Tommies into it and film the results? It would be bigger than Home and Away and Neighbours combined.