Samantha Bee: 'Trump thinks bipartisanship is some sort of swingers' cruise'
Late-night hosts reviewed the State of the Union, Fox News polls and Trump’s “willful ignorance”. Samantha Bee: ‘He definitely tried to go Dutch on an abortion’ Trump’s State of the Union speech clocked in at 82 minutes, providing ample fodder for late-night hosts on Wednesday. However, it turns out that “Trump is pretty dull to watch when he’s not shrieking things that send you into permanent fight or flight mode,” said Samantha Bee.
Trump made a show of bipartisanship during the speech, Bee explained, as he encouraged compromise and cooperation, meaning that “we’re at the part of the movie where the villain is losing and goes, ‘You and I are not so different’”.
But off-teleprompter, the message didn’t stick; Trump also told reporters on Tuesday that Chuck Schumer is a “son of a bitch”. “He couldn’t even be bipartisan for an afternoon!” Bee exclaimed, though she acknowledged that “he probably thinks bipartisanship is some sort of swingers’ cruise.”
Trump also called on lawmakers to restrict late-term abortion. “I always knew that someday, a Republican president would take away my right to choose,” Bee lamented. “I just didn’t think it would be the kind of president who’s definitely tried to go Dutch on an abortion.”
Trump made several promises in the State of the Union (“but they aren’t very credible because, you know, it’s him”, Bee added) including the pledge to eliminate HIV by 2030. It’s a worthy
goal, Bee said, although “it might be a more achievable goal if Trump hadn’t fired his entire HIV/Aids advisory panel with no explanation, diverted funds from HIV/Aids services to cover the increased costs of baby cages, stopped a study that was researching a cure, and repeatedly rolled back protections for LGBTQ people who are disproportionately affected by HIV”.
Stephen Colbert: ‘The radical ideology of fair’
“We’re all still recovering from Trump’s State of the Union,” said Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s Late Show, and that meant more unpacking of the president’s favorite rhetorical strategies. For example, political nursery rhymes. Trump decried “partisan investigations” on Tuesday night, warning Congress: “If there is going to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation.”
“I think that’s kind of cute,” Colbert said of the ditty. “He threatened our democracy with a little poem!”
Wordplay aside, a bigger star of Trump’s speech was his special guest: Joshua Trump, a Delaware fifth-grader bullied for sharing the president’s last name, who meme-ably fell asleep during the president’s address.
“I actually think that’s nice. You can’t bully some kid just because they have the same last name as an unpopular president,” Colbert commented on Joshua’s invitation as part of Melania’s “Be Best” anti-bullying initiative. “But it does seem narcissistic that the only way the president can empathize with a bullied child is if they share the same name.”
Finally, Colbert examined how Trump “took a swipe at folks who want to raise taxes on rich people”. There’s just one problem: “It turns out that’s really popular.” He referenced a viral clip in which a Fox News poll found that 70% are in favor of raising taxes on households making more than $10m per year – a development commenter Charles Payne blamed on schools teaching children the idea of “fairness above all”.
“Yes, our children are being brainwashed with the radical ideology of fair,” Colbert panned. “What’s next? And balanced?” he said over the infamous Fox News slogan.
Jimmy Kimmel: ‘The Schiff is about to hit the fan’
Over in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel looked into the fallout from an address that the president himself declared “was very well-received”.
“I just wish he wasn’t always so hard on himself, you know?” Kimmel joked.
The most meme-able moment of the night was Nancy Pelosi clapping “very pointedly” at Trump.
Trump seemed to threaten economic turmoil should government investigations continue, but luckily, Kimmel said “someone had the good sense” to pan the camera to Adam Schiff, chairman of the House intelligence committee, who looked unfazed.
“How did Schiff respond to the president today? House intelligence chair announces sweeping investigation into Trump’s finances and Russia,” Kimmel said, quoting a CNN headline. “The Schiff is about to hit the fan.”
Finally on Wednesday, there were some “almost funny if they weren’t not funny details about the president’s lack of interest in intelligence briefings”. According to Time, multiple intelligence officials were worried that Trump poses a national security threat because he demonstrates “willful ignorance” on foreign policy matters; he thought that that Nepal and Bhutan were part of India, for example, and mispronounced them as “nipple” and “button”.
Look, Kimmel said, “You try pronouncing words correctly with a mouth full of Lucky Charms and chocolate milk.”