Stephen Colbert: 'We now have solid evidence of the crime Trump already confessed to'
“It is important, I believe, to admit when you’re wrong,” said Stephen Colbert on the Late Show. “We talk a lot about how Donald Trump is this corrupt guy who deserves to be dragged out of his office kicking and screaming. But when I’m wrong, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
It was not going to be Tuesday night, Colbert said, because that afternoon, America’s top diplomat to Ukraine, Bill Taylor, testified to Congress as part of the House’s impeachment inquiry. At particular issue was Trump’s 25 July phone call with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy – one reported to Congress by a whistleblower – in which Trump threatened to withhold military aid to Ukraine if Zelenskiy didn’t promise to investigate Joe Biden, a political rival for Trump in 2020. Taylor’s testimony was “incredibly damaging to the president”, according to reports, with the opening statement said to have prompted gasps.
Taylor testified that release of aid to Ukraine was contingent on a public declaration to investigate the Bidens and the 2016 election. “Do you understand what this means?!” Colbert said. “We finally have solid evidence of the crime that Trump and his chief of staff have already confessed to committing on camera.”
Taylor also testified that “everything” was contingent on the announcement of an investigation, including security assistance. “So Trump was holding everything hostage,” said Colbert, who then imitated the president on the phone: “Just make the announcement, Ukraine, and I’ll give you the White House trip, military aid to fight the Russians, and a beautiful new dinette set from Broyhill. And, if you act now, I’ll throw in this gently used constitution – I don’t really want it.’”
To defend himself, Trump “went to his safe space: Fox News”, where he called the phone call a “letter” and lamented that “they don’t mention the letter any more.”
“No, they don’t mention the letter any more, because it’s not a letter, it’s a phone call,” Colbert said. “But if Pelosi wants to impeach you over this, I say: let her.”
In a separate segment, Colbert welcomed guest John Lithgow to the show – dressed as Trump’s personal lawyer and cable news staple Rudy Giuliani.
“Mr Mayor, how do you respond to critics who say you’re traveling the world pushing debunked conspiracies as part of a scheme to help the president’s re-election?” asked Colbert to Lithgow-as-Giuliani, complete with dentures and Giuliani’s characteristic bluster.
“The 2016 election was not hacked by the Russians, it was hacked by Hunter Biden – who’s actually a Men in Black-style alien being operated by a tiny Hillary Clinton in his neck!” Lithgow said.
Did he have any proof? “Oh, not yet, or ever!” Lithgow said. “I’m not falling into that proof trap.”
Asked why he met with Rick Perry and Gordon Sondland, the US ambassador to the European Union, Lithgow responded as Scooby-Doo: “When you’re solving big, spooky mysteries you need a team. It was Gordon Sondland, Rick Perry, Velma and me, RudyRudy-Rudy-Roo.” He then helped himself to a “Rudy snack” – a large glass of red wine.
Finally, Colbert asked about former national security adviser John Bolton’s comment that Giuliani was a “hand grenade” that would blow everyone up. “Stephen, that’s crazy. Grenades are used by highly trained soldiers,” said Lithgow. “I’m more like a can of hairspray someone turns into a flamethrower during a prison riot.”