Seth Meyers on Trump: ‘He’s so shallow he barely exists in the third dimension’
On Late Night, Seth Meyers tore into Donald Trump’s negligent response to the pandemic. “What we’re experiencing now was not inevitable,” he said, pointing to emails by Dr James Lawler, an infectious disease doctor who served as an adviser to former presidents George W Bush and Barack Obama, which said of the government’s inaction in March: “We have thrown 15 years of institutional learning out the window and are making decisions based on intuition.”
“Of course [Trump] threw 15 years of learning out the window,” said Meyers. “That’s probably what his high school tutor said when he helped him study for the SATs.”
Meyers also roasted Fox News host Jeanine Pirro for her latest extreme softballing of the president, in which she asked him “Where do you go within you?” for his decisions.
“Where do you go within you? There is no deep within him,” Meyers ranted. “He’s so shallow he barely exists in the third dimension. If you dumped a teaspoon of water in a kiddie pool, it would be deeper than Trump. There’s nothing inside. He’s as hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny.
“Trump’s already been impeached once, and now we’re finding out that he ignored repeated warnings from intelligence officials and medical experts about a deadly pandemic that’s killed tens of thousands and left millions unemployed,” Meyers concluded. “Looks like we’ll have to find a way to get through this nightmare without presidential leadership.”
Stephen Colbert
A month into mass shutdowns in America, and “it’s clear that Trump is in over his head”, said Stephen Colbert on Monday’s at-home Late Show. “And I’m not the only one who feels that way,” as numerous outlets published exposés over the weekend explaining how Trump mishandled the coronavirus crisis in its critical early stages.
“Trump’s mishandling of the crisis was confirmed yesterday by immunologist Dr Anthony Fauci,” Colbert continued, as the voice of reason during America’s pandemic appeared on Jake Tapper’s CNN show and said swift actions in the early days would have saved American lives. Why didn’t things shut down immediately? “There was a lot of pushback about shutting things down,” Fauci said. “OK, he’s not saying who, but it sure seems like he’s just avoiding pointing fingers,” said Colbert, imitating Fauci: “I don’t want to name any names, Jake, because his name is Donald Trump.”
Meanwhile, Trump has once again made promises on opening up the country he probably won’t be able to keep. “Here’s the thing: reopening the country is not up to Trump, because from the very beginning, Trump has left all the hard decisions on fighting coronavirus to the individual states,” Colbert explained. As recently as Friday,
Trump boasted at a press conference about passing responsibilities to the states; on Sunday, he tweeted that it’s “the decision of the president” to reopen the country, not individual state governors.
Colbert vehemently disagreed: “Reopening the country is not up to you, because you did not have the balls to shut the country down in the first place. You were the one who said you were just a cheerleader! You put yourself on the sidelines. Cheerleaders don’t get a Super Bowl trophy – in fact, they barely get paid! They’re just supposed to look good and spell words right, and you can’t do either.”
Trevor Noah
And on the Daily Social Distancing Show, Trevor Noah discussed some unforeseen effects of America’s shutdown, such as farms forced to dump millions of gallons of milk or tons of produce because schools, restaurants and sporting events aren’t open to buy supplies. “And because there’s no
March Madness this year, America is facing a huge surplus of chicken wings,” Noah said, not as a joke.
“But this is the one time where I’m actually glad that Donald Trump is president,” Noah continued, kidding this time. “Because he may not be great at handling a global pandemic, but there are a ton of chicken wings that need to be eaten. And that’s something he’s been training for his entire life.”
In other news, churches across the world held Easter services online this year. “And I know it seems weird, but I actually think this is very religious, because you know who else never shows up in person? The big guy,” said Noah, pointing heavenward. “He’s always telecommuting, except instead of Skype he just uses a burning bush, or a rainbow or a giant flood. I mean, he could’ve just texted but I guess emojis don’t pack the same punch.”
In America, some churches adapted to the conditions for in-person services – sermons delivered to people in cars in the parking lot, for example – but “unfortunately, some churches in America didn’t want to do the whole tele-church or car church or any kind of social distancing”, said Noah. He pointed to several churches in the south that ignored health orders and held services inside, some even with physical touch. “Congratulations, the demons have left your body, but only because coronavirus has moved in,” Noah deadpanned.