Having a hard time pronouncing my name? Let me help you
Ihave a name that is, ahem, “hard to pronounce”. Not to me, of course – I find my own name, a traditional Somali name originally spelled Hibaaq, pretty easy to get right. It only has two syllables. What could possibly go wrong between Hi and baaq?
And yet my name is constantly misspelled, mispronounced and even shortened by others, to make it easier to say. That’s why the news of Thandiwe Newton reclaiming the original spelling of her name resonated with me. In a tweet, Thandiwe (pronounced tan-dee-way) explained that she has been known as “Thandie” for the past 30 years, after the anglicized misspelling of her name was used in the credits of her debut film Flirting.
In the days since, discussion has abounded on Twitter. Many have used the opportunity to share their own experiences. “From workplace to workplace, I’ve had to fight for my full name,” columnist Zamandlovu Ndlovu wrote, adding that people often ask, “Why is your surname in your name?” before shortening her name to a nickname.
Others had their guns at the ready. Thirty years is, after all, quite an unbelievable stint. Why not just correct everyone? As someone who has been through it, this option is certainly appealing – but who wants to spend their lives doing that?Especially if the people who are getting your name wrong are not the people closest to you.
At school, it was commonplace to see my friends from African or Asian backgrounds have their names shortened by teachers and peers, because their full name was too “difficult” to pronounce. And you can imagine how a molehill quickly turns into a mountain: someone messes up the pronunciation of your name, everyone runs with it, and suddenly you’re stuck debating whether or not it’s worth your energy to correct everyone, along with the added risk of coming across as difficult.
Instead, you begrudgingly watch as people manage to get the hang of Siobhan, Saoirse and Schwarzenegger while somepeople are still calling you He-beak.
When that happens, it’s hard not to read it as a refusal to respect a name that sounds “too foreign”, or an attempt to make your name more palatable for others.In Newton’s case, as a young Black actor in the 1990s who was once excluded from a class photo because she wore her hair in cornrows, the slight was perhaps just another reminder that she was out of place, and a warning not to draw attention to it.
In my daily life, I am fairly accustomed to the preface “So sorry in advance if I butcher your name, I’m terrible with this!” or seeing some people avoid saying my name at all after perhaps one too many corrections.
I’d much rather be asked “How do I pronounce your name correctly?” without the cringe comments on what English word you can compare it to – that never lessens the tension, by the way. I appreciate someone who can openly ask if they aren’t sure how to say it. This way, we are both avoiding the risk of me correcting you – something I don’t take joy in doing. Once I’ve told you how to say my name, it’s up to you to remember it – keep a note of the phonetic spelling if it helps! If I can say your name correctly, I expect mine to be said correctly. If you mess up, it’s OK! Just don’t get offended at being corrected. I promise you: it’s a lot more uncomfortable for me than it is for you.
(If you manage to do those things, you’ll be able to pat yourself on the back for doing the bare minimum to respect your interlocutors. Good on you!)
Still, I find solace in hearing how one of the most powerful women in the world – yes, even she is still subject to this – has dealt with it. Despite being the vice-president, Kamala Harris still has her name routinely mispronounced – often deliberately. Rememberwhen Trump mocked the pronunciation of her name at a rally?
In an interview with The Daily Show, Harris told Trevor Noah: “[A name] is the first gift a child usually receives from their family. It is usually informed by tradition and love, and the hope and aspiration the family has for that child. It is something precious and sacred and it is a part of their identity. When I see people fighting for the right for that to be respected … I applaud and salute that.”
In many cases, our names provide a link to our heritage, and contributes to a sense of cultural identity. Today, as conversations on anti-racism continue to come up more frequently, starting by getting our names right shouldn’t seem too much of an ask.