Stephen Colbert on Afghanistan: ‘They’re saying they were the Taliban, but now they’re the Tali-buddies’
Stephen Colbert
On Tuesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert continued to discuss the fall of Kabul as American troops withdrew after 20 years in Afghanistan. In a matter of days, the Taliban wrested control over most of the country, “including all the expensive stuff we left there”, said Colbert. In their “cake-walk to power”, the Taliban seized American military supplies such as guns, ammunition, helicopters and combat aircraft. “Normally to get that many American weapons, you have to go to Walmart,” he joked.
“For the people of Afghanistan, today is the transition from ‘how did this happen?’ to ‘what happens now?’” Colbert continued. “The last time the Taliban was in power, it was a monstrously repressive regime. But this new Taliban claims they’re a whole new Taliban.”
Referencing reports on the militant group’s attempts to “rebrand” itself, Colbert quipped: “They’re saying they were the Taliban, but now they’re the Talibuddies.’”
The new Taliban have promised no reprisal killings, which is “not really comforting when you have to guarantee that”, said Colbert. “It reminds me of the Taco Bell ad for the Gordita
Crunch Wrap – ‘this time, we promise it’s meat.’”
Colbert then turned to reports that the Biden administration will recommend Covid booster shots for most Americans, beginning eight months after their second dose. Some doctors and hospital staff will begin receiving the boosters as early as mid-September.
“OK, so these are autumn shots – the options will be Moderna, Pfizer or Pumpkin Spice,” Colbert joked.
“Do you hear that, millions of Americans who are still on the fence about getting the first dose?” he added. “Because the rest of us are about to go back for thirds. We’re offering you that last slice of pizza before we take it, and in this case the pepperoni doesn’t kill you.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers recapped Biden’s address on Monday on the “rapidly evolving” situation in Afghanistan. “No kidding – did you see what the Taliban did in a weekend?” said Meyers. “Part of me is like, ‘put them in charge of the infrastructure bill!’”
During his address, the president attributed the Taliban’s swift takeover of the country to a deal negotiated by Donald Trump and the incompetence of the Afghan military, but added “the buck stops with me.”
“Of course, before that, the buck had quite a journey,” said Meyers.
In other news, New York enacted its vaccine requirement for restaurants and all indoor venues on Tuesday, “so you can feel perfectly safe”, said Meyers, “and then leave those places and get on the subway”.
Jimmy Fallon
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon led with the Biden administration’s new recommendation on booster shots. “Biden will be making his booster shot announcement as part of his operation ‘Change the Subject’,” joked Fallon.
“And to sell Americans on the idea, the White House is hiring a movie trailer narrator to be like, ‘This fall, Pfizer completes their epic trilogy.’”
Fallon also touched on New York’s indoor vaccination requirement. Residents can prove their vaccination status by card or the state’s Excelsior Pass, “which sounds like something that helps you skip the line at Medieval Times”, said Fallon.
“There are two official apps to prove that you’re vaccinated,” he added, “and the Facebook app to prove you’re not.”