Arsenal, Manchester City and reassurance for all footballing existentialists
The football calendar has been out of whack for a few years now, what with the pandemic being followed in short order by a World Cup starting in November. All the old reference points, such as being top of the table at Christmas, or receiving an unfunny email every weekday at 5pm, mean absolutely nothing right now. What time is it? Who are we? Where is love? Don’t ask us. So thank goodness for Mikel Arteta and his punctual pals, who went well out of their way to reassure all footballing existentialists that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Good old Arsenal, Jimmy Hill was right after all.
See, time was, the Gunners would, at the exact same point each season, get their trousers freshly laundered, neatly pressed and handed back to them, usually by Bayern Munich in Big Cup’s always-entertaining Round of Arsenal. You could set your watch, or at least your calendar, to it. Everyone would know exactly where they were. February!
But now, as a result of Covid, Qatar and some pretty shonky form over the last five years, that particular outcome isn’t possible right now, and as a result everyone’s chronologically adrift. What a selfless gesture, then, by Arsenal to manufacture a different sort of February-infused fiasco that puts us all back at ease. Thanks, Takehiro! Nice one, Gabriel! Top work, Eddie! You’ve done all time-travellers a big favour here.
Thing is, Arsenal were the better side in the first half of their top-ofthe-table Premier League showdown with Manchester City. But Tomiyasu’s blind backpass gifted the champions one goal, Gabriel’s brain fade set off a chain of events that led to another, and Nketiah missed a couple of close-range headers in a way which caused fans to scream for Jesus in a most passionate and ambiguous manner. Having thus wedged the door ajar for City, Kevin De Bruyne, Jack Grealish and Erling Haaland barrelled straight through it, and now the champions, eight points adrift of the Gunners not so long ago, are top and odds-on to retain their title. Manchester United will finish second, too, we’re with Gary Neville on this one.
All told, a painful night for Arsenal, then, who are technically still in charge of their own destiny with a game in hand and a visit to the Etihad to come, but y’know. Still, by taking one for the team, they can at least be proud of repairing most of the virus/Platini-related damage to football’s space-time continuum. Although ironically, by blowing a nice lead at the top of the table, they’ve made it feel exactly like 1987, 2003, 2005, 2008, 2014 and 2016 all over again. So while we’ve established it’s February, we probably also need to double-check what year this is. Oh Arsenal!
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“[He] has an international profile, great experience and football knowledge. There is conviction that he can give us a hand right away” – Salernitana suit Morgan De Sanctis confirms that poor old Davide Nicola is being sacked by the Serie A strugglers for the second time in a month, with Paulo Sousa coming in to replace him as manager this time.
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