People’s behaviour at music gigs is getting worse. I have three rules to solve that

Earlier this week, Lucy May Walker, a singer-songwriter from Redditch, posted a series of modest proposals for behaviour at concerts under the title Gig Etiquette. The four subheadings for her guidelines were: 1. Don’t Talk During the Show; 2. Be in the Moment; 3. The Audience Have Not Paid to See You; and 4. Have An Amazing Time. The former busker, who had hitherto received a relatively low level of attention despite being championed by Radio 2’s Jeremy Vine, suddenly found herself at the centre of what would, until recently, have been called a Twitterstorm.

Walker’s post went viral, with more than 1.6m views. For some, the fault was the singer’s own. “You should just concentrate on your act,” she was told. Her attitude, it was suggested, was “condescending”.

I, too, am lining up to take down Walker, but for a very different reason: she doesn’t go far enough. Perhaps preempting the accusation that she’s some kind of disciplinarian bore, Walker carefully ensured that her list of demands was cushioned with conciliatory language and jolly emoticons. For example, her second request, Be in the Moment, encourages gig-goers to “Feel free to take a few pictures/videos of the show, but please keep your flash off, don’t block someone else’s view ... and try not to watch the whole thing through your phone”, rather than espouse the zero- tolerance approach such an egregious transgression deserves. Not that Walker’s smileys and softly-softly approach placated her critics. On Good Morning Britain, Happy Mondays singer and X Factor alumna Rowetta told her she should be “a teacher or a prison officer” – and that if she doesn’t like it, she should “stay in your bedroom, sing there and stream it”.

I’ve been a music journalist since the mid-1980s, and one thing I can say with confidence is that people’s behaviour at gigs has become objectively and observably worse over time.

These things used to be self-policing and there was an unwritten code. So, for example, if there’s a moshpit and someone falls, you stop and help them back up. If someone’s shorter than you and you’re blocking their view, you get out of their way. If you absolutely must get nearer to the stage, go round the side instead of barging through the middle. Most of these conventions simply fall under the catch-all rubric of Don’t Be a Selfish Idiot.

Being a selfish idiot, however, is very on-trend. Gigs are routinely ruined by people who will not shut up, and people who will not put their phones down. The drivers behind this are twofold: narcotics and narcissism.

The proliferation of class A drugs at gigs can’t be overestimated as a factor. It’s worse on a Friday night, and it’s not kids – it’s grown men (and it usually is men) on a night out after work, cokedup and showing off about their new car or their next holiday. And it’s no use trying to ignore them: if you’re stuck behind them, they’re the first thing in