Colbert on Biden leading new poll: ‘Like finding some punch in a turd bowl’
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about the current state of the US, saying it’s “like we’re watching a rerun of 2020” with Trump v Biden once again.
While Trump has been leading in many polls, a new one has Biden out on top with 50% of voters. Colbert said it was “some good news in an otherwise depressing reality” and that it was “like finding some punch in a turd bowl”.
He said that Biden perhaps achieved this support by “standing still while his opponent repeatedly quotes Hitler”.
The poll showed that it was women who helped, with 58% of them picking Biden. “The ladies love Cool Joe,” he said.
This week saw Trump’s Republican rival Nikki Haley appear on The Breakfast Show, saying that while racism exists in the US, it is not a racist country and wasn’t founded as such. “If you think America was not founded as a racist country, I’d say you have threefifths of a brain,” he joked.
He moved on to the week’s judiciary hearing with the CEOs of TikTok, Snap and Meta to discuss the dangers of social media. Colbert joked that it was “always a danger when the oldest people in America try to talk about social media”.
A new book revealed that the exTrump lawyer Sidney Powell wanted to hire operatives with “hunting licenses” to take Dominion voting machines as Colbert said they are obviously “all guarded by elk”, a plan that even Rudy Giuliani nixed.
“Do you know how crazy you have to be for the voice of reason to be Rudy Giuliani?” he said. “That’s like getting confronted about your drinking by Rudy Giuliani.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers spoke about the predictability of Trump and his cronies who “start fearmongering about immigration” whenever an election is on the horizon.
He said that whenever the expresident starts, “rightwing media obediently follows his cue” showing footage of the “caravan” of immigrants that was screamed about before the 2018 midterms with Fox correspondents spreading fear about possible diseases.
In reference to Trump, Meyers joked: “Forget smallpox, I’m pretty sure he has bigpox.”
He said it was all “cynical BS” as despite Fox pundits spending 33 hours discussing the caravan through to election day, it wasn’t focused on once the day after.
With an election just months away they are trying to “once again fan the flames of immigration panic”. He admitted that it’s an “incredibly complex and difficult-to-solve” problem that requires “fair, compassionate and humane” thinking.
The Republicans most recently tried “using Ukraine aid as a bargaining chip” to push through a bill that did achieve bipartisanship and was the “most substantial immigration reform in decades” yet Trump has been “trying to sabotage the deal”.
He’s been claiming it’s a bad bill despite not having read it.
“Do you honestly expect Donald Trump to read the bill?” he said. “The man can’t even read a Teleprompter. He can’t even be bothered to proofread his own name before he tweets it.” He then reminded viewers that Trump once tweeted his name as “Ttump”, a mistake Meyers referred to as “autoincorrect”.
He criticised it as a “bad faith gambit” and that the Republicans were “not a serious governing party” with members “obeying Trump because they’re weak”.
Jimmy Kimmel
On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host spoke about the week’s national prayer breakfast, which, he said, was an excuse to “eat waffles and praise the Lord”.
He compared Biden’s solemn speech with Trump’s years prior when he railed against Arnie for bad Apprentice ratings. He said that while Biden was a practicing Catholic who goes to church on Sundays, Trump “plays golf and yells at the TV” instead.
There had been a lot of speculation over the red spots seen on Trump’s hands lately, which many had said were signs of syphilis. When a reporter asked Trump this week, he claimed to have no knowledge and said the pictures were probably the result of AI.
“In this case AI stands for ‘an infection’,” he joked. “I feel like AI is gonna be his excuse for everything now.”
He added: “Even when he is literally caught red-handed, he will not admit it.”