Lionel Messi and the Spinal Tap farce-ometer cranking up to 11
In June 1969, El Salvador defeated Honduras to qualify for the World Cup after three matches marred by crowd violence against the backdrop of diplomatic tension between the two nations. On the same day as the final playoff game, El Salvador dissolved diplomatic ties with their neighbours, putting them on course for a fourday military conflict still known as the “Football War”. By sheer coincidence, Inter Miami’s ill-fated pre-season world tour kicked off last month … in El Salvador. Just a few weeks later, the MLS side have somehow stumbled into a diplomatic incident of their own.
The Africa Cup of Nations and Asian Cup have given us on-pitch excitement, but the fixture most worth following for off-field drama is Hong Kong v Japan in the Getting to Watch Lionel Messi Play Football Cup. Messi had stayed on the bench throughout his team’s Sunday kickabout in Hong Kong due to knack picked up earlier in their extensive pre-season jamboree. His absence led to the crowd booing David Beckham, “extreme disappointment” from organisers, er, Tatler XFEST, and a bilingual social-media apology from Messi himself. Unfortunately, said apology was posted moments before Inter Miami’s friendly with Vissel Kobe in Tokyo on Wednesday, in which Messi – gasp – was a second-half substitute. His 30-minute cameo of walking, pointing and laughing at his teammate’s missed penalty has dramatically escalated hostilities.
Hong Kong’s government, already “extremely disappointed” by the absence of global hero Messi and his villainous sidekick, Luis Suárez, from Sunday’s game, cranked up the conspiratorial fume in a follow-up statement. “Three days later, Messi was able to play freely in Japan … the government hopes the organisers and teams can provide reasonable explanations.” Others, like senior government adviser Regina Ip, were less diplomatic. “Hong Kong people hate Messi, Inter Miami and the black hand behind them for this deliberate and calculated snub,” she wrote on Social Media Disgrace X. Close behind her in the hyperbole stakes were the South China Morning Post, who described Messi’s absence from the Hong Kong fixture as “the greatest letdown of all time”.
That particular epithet could be applied to Inter Miami’s entire world tour, where the Spinal Tap farce-o-meter has been cranked up to 11. Despite finishing 27th out of 29 MLS teams last season, Messi FC’s pre-season matches have dominated the league’s subscription service, angering fans of rival teams – although FC Dallas ultras at least got to enjoy last month’s 1-0 friendly win over Miami. Two games in Saudi Arabia ended with a 4-3 defeat to Al-Hilal and then the “Last Dance Disaster” – a planned reunion with Cristiano Ronaldo where some tickets cost thousands of dollars. Ronaldo sat the game out with knack, Messi played seven minutes, and Al-Nassr won 6-0. Messi and the Inter Miami Experience will close their world tour back in Fort Lauderdale with a game against his boyhood club, Newell’s Old Boys. We can only hope it passes off without further inflaming geopolitical tensions and this storm in a teacup can finally blow over. It’s a situation where nobody has the moral high ground. Perhaps, unlike Central America back in 1969, everyone should take a deep breath and consider whether this is really something worth fighting over.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“My daughter actually told me: ‘Father, sometimes I think you are a character from The Lord of the Rings.’ But I’m not. I’m not interested in the ring” – yes, Aleksander Ceferin is getting his Tolkein on after announcing he will not be seeking an extra term as Uefa president. And he had plenty more to say about perceived enemies, the media and the Romans, obviously.
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