The Guardian (USA)

As a stunt performer, I lived on the edge of danger – but I had to step back from the precipice

- Janine Parkinson

For just over a decade I lived on the edge of danger, leaping from cliffs, jumping out of the back of trains and even being set on fire. I was a television and film stunt performer. Think Tom Cruise without the credits, in sky-high heels and hotpants. Every job was a calculated risk, and every performanc­e felt like a dance with death. My job demanded the spirit of a daredevil and the agility of an acrobat with the presence of an actor, tasked with bringing the heart-pounding thrills of Hollywood to life. But as my star rose and opportunit­ies knocked on my door, I made a decision to step back, leaving behind bewildered friends and colleagues who couldn’t understand why I was abruptly extinguish­ing my own flame.

While I revelled in the thrill of physical activity and globetrott­ing adventures, there was always a nagging sense of impostor syndrome gnawing at me. Despite my prowess in executing stunts, I felt like a fraud when it came to the craft of acting. I could execute flips, wield knives and brave fire-burns, but put a script in front of me and I faltered. No matter how much I trained or rehearsed, the moment the camera rolled my lines vanished, leaving me stranded in a sea of self-doubt. Whenever I found myself in a situation where I had to deliver lines, my anxiety would intensify. I would feel my breathing becoming rapid and shallow, making it difficult to focus. As I attempted to say the words, the buzzing of the room would overwhelm me and despite being in the spotlight, all I could see was darkness. It was a disorienti­ng experience, and it further exacerbate­d my feelings of selfdoubt and insecurity about my acting abilities.

I poured my earnings into private lessons, honing my skills in gymnastics, boxing, stick fighting, swimming

 ?? Photograph: mikkelwill­iam/Getty Images ?? ‘A conversati­on with an acting coach set me on the path to confrontin­g the truth that had been staring me in the face all along: did I even want this?’
Photograph: mikkelwill­iam/Getty Images ‘A conversati­on with an acting coach set me on the path to confrontin­g the truth that had been staring me in the face all along: did I even want this?’

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