I spent 22 years as a problem drinker. Here are 10 things I’ve learned since I quit
The first alcoholic drink I had was a lemon Hooch in a gay club called the Palm Beach in south London in 1991. For the first time in my life the anxiety and self-consciousness I thought was just my personality melted away. A decades-long whirlwind of partying, hangovers and self-destructive behaviour ensued, all fuelled by trauma and selfloathing. That was until I finally realised too much was enough and that I needed to stop. Ten years ago, after 22 years of problem drinking, I shared a bottle of champagne with a friend and put the bottle and the glasses in the recycling bin. I haven’t had a drink since. These are 10 things I’ve learned in those 10 years of being alcohol-free.
Having a problem with alcohol is not about alcohol
As the sober years mounted up, I realised that drinking was a symptom of something bigger underneath. I’ve rarely met an ex-drinker who didn’t have anxiety, depression or low selfesteem, usually caused by experiences growing up.
For me, it was growing up gay in the 80s, reading that people like me didn’t have a future. I’ve seen hundreds of people with different stories but with the same outcome: straight men and women who didn’t feel loved, trans people who were bullied, people whose parents beat them, or shamed them about their looks or weight, or sexually abused them … the list goes on and on. Dealing with problem drinking means dealing with what’s underneath. It’s terrifying at first but eventually you’ll come to see it as the bravest and best thing you’ll ever do in life.
There can be clues
It took me a long time to realise I had a problem, but there were clues along the way. I remember reading an interview in Q magazine years before I stopped drinking in which Elton John talked about how he got into recovery. He said he looked down at the Alps from a plane and was reminded of the heaps of cocaine he’d snorted. Drugs weren’t part of my thing, but I related