My par­ents in­tro­duced me with the wrong gen­der

The Kansas City Star - - Uplift - BY JU­DITH MARTIN, NI­CHOLAS IVOR MARTIN AND JA­COBINA MARTIN

DEAR MISS MAN­NERS:

I’m a col­lege sopho­more who re­cently came out to his par­ents as a trans­gen­der man. Since I don’t live at home, this hasn’t been much of an is­sue – but when I went home for the hol­i­days, both of my par­ents in­tro­duced me to their friends as their daugh­ter.

I’m a man and look like one. There’s al­ways vis­i­ble con­fu­sion on these peo­ple’s faces. For the most part, I’ve just let it slide, but it makes me in­cred­i­bly un­com­fort­able. Should I cor­rect my folks, or sim­ply rein­tro­duce my­self later when I’ll be home and meet­ing more peo­ple?

GEN­TLE READER:

Might Miss Man­ners humbly sug­gest the ob­vi­ous: hav­ing a talk with your par­ents to con­firm your gen­der and say that you want to be in­tro­duced as such, with a chance for them to ask ques­tions and the hope that they will lis­ten to the an­swers?

If this is not fea­si­ble, or the re­sults prove un­fa­vor­able, Miss Man­ners sug­gests the pos­si­bil­ity that their friends’ con­fu­sion could work in your fa­vor. A firm hand­shake, fol­lowed by, “Hello, I’m Hank,” will likely re­sult in their hav­ing to ques­tion your par­ents’ in­tro­duc­tion. Whereby the un­com­fort­able con­ver­sa­tion can be trans­ferred to them – once you are safely back at col­lege.

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