Man leaves wife, daugh­ters at the curb af­ter fam­ily birth­day din­ner

The Kansas City Star - - Sports - JEANNE PHILLIPS Con­tact Dear Abby at www. or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: I co­or­di­nated and paid for a 70th birth­day party for my ter­mi­nally ill hus­band. Four­teen peo­ple were in­vited, and seven of them were re­lated to my only sis­ter, “Carla.”

Dur­ing the din­ner, her hus­band was rude to the wait­ress and at the end of the party was scream­ing and yelling at Carla over the valet park­ing ticket. As they left the restau­rant, he shoved her. He then got in their car and left my sis­ter and her step­daugh­ters standing there. They had to or­der a rideshare to get home.

I texted her later to be sure she and the girls had ar­rived safely. She said yes and told me she would talk to me the next day. When I didn’t hear from her, I fol­lowed up. The next time we talked, she acted like noth­ing had hap­pened! When

I pur­sued the dis­cus­sion and asked what prompted his strange be­hav­ior, she said, “I don’t know what to tell you.” I said, “You don’t know?” and she replied, “I didn’t say that. I said I don’t know what to tell YOU.”

Af­ter a lengthy dis­cus­sion, I told her that un­less we had some as­sur­ance that the in­ci­dent wouldn’t be re­peated, we didn’t want to see her hus­band again. I have in­vited her to nu­mer­ous fam­ily events, and she comes solo, but now she is blam­ing me for “tear­ing the fam­ily apart.” What can I do now, if any­thing? — In a Mess in Cal­i­for­nia

Dear In a Mess: Your sis­ter is ap­par­ently mar­ried to an abuser with a short fuse and has re­signed her­self to it. She has my sym­pa­thy, but she should not blame you for any of it. She could re­ally use some help from a sup­port group for abused part­ners. If you pre­fer not to see her hor­ror of a hus­band, stand your ground and do not al­low your­self to be guilted or co­erced into it.

Dear Abby: Iam en­gaged to a won­der­ful, sweet, hard-work­ing 30-year-old man. We get along well and make each other happy. The trou­ble is how he comes across to oth­ers. He is so ea­ger to be friends that he opens up much too quickly, re­veal­ing and vent­ing about things like his work prob­lems. It makes peo­ple un­com­fort­able.

He has been called out on it sev­eral times by var­i­ous peo­ple, and he will stop for a while. But he falls into the same pat­tern the next time he meets some­body new. This whole thing is made worse by his anx­i­ety; when some­one calls him out on this be­hav­ior, he ex­pe­ri­ences crip­pling panic at­tacks.

He re­fuses to seek treat­ment. I am at a loss about how to help him. What should I do? — Chal­lenged Fi­ancee

Dear Fi­ancee: Your iance may be a great guy, but un­less you want to spend your life with a part­ner who re­fuses to get help for his emo­tional prob­lems and doesn’t seem to learn from his mis­takes, it may be time to reeval­u­ate this re­la­tion­ship. You can’t ix what’s wrong with him. Only he can do that.

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