Woman in­sists that her hus­band give up let­ters from late wife

The Kansas City Star - - Sports - JEANNE PHILLIPS Con­tact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: My hus­band, “Char­lie,” and I have been mar­ried for seven years. We are in our mid60s. This is the se­cond mar­riage for both of us. He was wid­owed some years be­fore we met. We have a good mar­riage. He is sweet and car­ing, but one is­sue causes fric­tion be­tween us. It’s about let­ters he and his late wife ex­changed.

They were high school sweet­hearts. She kept all the let­ters he sent her when he was away in col­lege, and after she died, he wanted to keep them. It both­ers me that he’s still at­tached to them. When­ever we talk about the sub­ject and I ask him to dis­pose of them, he gets de­fen­sive, says he doesn’t un­der­stand why it both­ers me and ac­cuses me of be­ing un­rea­son­able. He says I don’t even “let” him have a pic­ture of his late wife among our fam­ily

pic­tures around the house. My irst mar­riage was very trou­bled, and I never wanted a pic­ture of my late hus­band. But Char­lie’s was a happy one.

Am I un­rea­son­able, or is it time to let the past stay in the past, as painful as it might be to de­tach from ob­jects that were an in­ti­mate part of his pre­vi­ous mar­riage? — Rea­son­ing in Illi­nois

Dear Rea­son­ing: Why have you not ac­cepted that Char­lie had a life be­fore fate in­ter­vened, took his wife and you en­tered the pic­ture? Peo­ple who had mis­er­able irst mar­riages of­ten choose not to re­marry. Char­lie is who he is in part be­cause of his happy mar­riage to his irst wife. You are mak­ing a mis­take by com­pet­ing with her. Stop in­sist­ing that he get rid of the old let­ters, which hold great sen­ti­men­tal value for him. And if he would like to dis­play a photo of his late wife, quit giv­ing him heart­burn. She’s part of his his­tory, and it’s his house, too.

Dear Abby: I am be­ing mar­ried in a cou­ple of months. I feel like I’m liv­ing a real-life fairy tale — but not al­ways in a good way. My iance’s step­fam­ily has made it clear that they do not ap­prove of our union. They have gone as far as to ask me to leave him. He is ap­palled by their be­hav­ior and has told them they are no longer wel­come in our lives or at our wed­ding. They blamed me.

I don’t want my wed­ding to be the cause of pain, so I have tried to be un­der­stand­ing, gra­cious and for­giv­ing, but they are toxic peo­ple.

Abby, I am terri ied they are go­ing to show up to our wed­ding any­way or try to some­how sab­o­tage it. What should I do? If they show up, should I let them stay or have them re­moved? How do I pre­vent them from in­trud­ing in the fu­ture? — Cin­derella in New Eng­land

Dear Cin­derella: Al­low me to con­grat­u­late you and your iance on your up­com­ing nup­tials and of­fer my sym­pa­thy for your grief. You may need to hire pro­fes­sional se­cu­rity to en­sure the peace, or see if se­cu­rity is pro­vided at the venue. The way to pre­vent un­wanted in­trud­ers in the fu­ture would be to move as far away from his fam­ily as is fea­si­ble.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.