Parents disapprove of boyfriend of different race

DEARABBY » I’m a 22-year-old woman who was adopted. I recently started dating an amazing man who happens to be of another race. My parents, whom I love very much, told me that if I stay with him, they will disown me. They have made many horrible comments about my relationship, and I’m at a loss about what to do. I love them, but I also lovemy boyfriend. What should I do?

— Hopeless in Indiana

You need to figure out which is more important to you, the hope for a future with this amazing man who is

DEARHOPELESS »

new in your life, or your relationship with your parents. It’s a tough choice to make, and there are variables to consider. Are you OK with your parents dictating who you can date in terms of race? Is this person as serious as you are about this new relationship?

Start by making a list of the pros and the cons. Once you are finished, understanding that neither choice will be pain free, you may have a clearer idea of your decision.

DEARABBY » My husband of 30 years still desires me. I know he has been faithful. Yet I recoil at his advances or pretend to be asleep. I feel like I owe him sex since it’s part of marriage, and then I resent himbecause I feel I am letting him down.

— No Desire Down South

DEARNODESIRE » You need to figure outwhether your negative reaction to your husband’s advances is emotional or physical.

Hormonal changes as women age can be a reason for lack of libido, and if that’s what’s causing your problem, it is something you should talk aboutwith your gynecologist because it may be fixable.