Husband handed out hugs to women, but not wife

DEAR ABBY » My strongest “love language” is physical touch. For 23 years, my husband gave hugs galore to any and every woman, but never to me. The word “never” is not an exaggeration. He has recently begun to change and try to be better. Now he does hug me as much as I want. But when he hugs other women, it still feels like a knife through my heart.

He says the hugs mean nothing to him, but I question why, if they were so insignificant, he couldn’t give me even one for more than two decades? How do I get over feeling hurt when he hugs other women? I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive.

— Finally Worth Hugging

DEAR FINALLY » Too sensitive? There is nothing wrong with your “perspective.” For 23 years your passive-aggressive husband chose to withhold a gesture of affection you requested, while showering other women with it. It’s “nice” that he’s finally willing to make the effort to hug you but, frankly, it seems a bit late. It may take a therapist to help work through your justified hurt and anger over this.

DEAR ABBY » My husband died suddenly three months ago. My family sympathizes with me; however, my youngest daughter thinks I need to move on and get over his death. How can I make her understand that his death has devastated me, and getting over it will take time?

— Heartbroken in South Carolina

DEAR HEARTBROKEN » Your daughter may be trying to be helpful. She may also be uncomfortable seeing her mother in pain. Clearly, she has no clue about how grief works. There is no timetable for it, but three months is a relatively short period of time.