DEAR ANNIE

DEAR

ANNIE: I’m a divorced father with two children. My son has been depressed for over 13 years, living in Denver with his mother who’s an alcoholic. He has lost numerous jobs due to his depression and drinking, eventually drinking two bottles of Jack Daniel’s in the garage of his mother’s house and subsequently shooting himself.

Now comes my daughter, a college graduate who owns a condominium and has a good job and career. She has lost her female roommates because she’s allowed a married man to live in her condo. Not only that, but now she is pregnant with this married man’s baby. I’m supporting my daughter with her pregnancy, but I am totally against allowing this guy to live with her. Her mother is condoning this and saying it’s OK.

I am disgusted with this scenario. Your opinion is appreciated.

— Daughter Is Out of Control DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: Your daughter isn’t the only one whose life is going off the rails: Your son’s is, too. It’s absolutely imperative that he, and your ex-wife, for that matter, get help for their alcoholism. Your son has danced with death due to his drinking, and I’m sure living with his mom, who also suffers from the same addiction, only enables him to continue with this destructive behavior. If they’re open to it, their local AA chapter is a great place to start what I hope will be a mutually shared road to recovery.

As for your daughter, what’s most important is ensuring her and the baby’s good health during her pregnancy, which it sounds like you are already doing for them. Now, she and this man need to figure out a plan moving forward. It’s entirely unfair to her, their baby and his wife at home for him to have one foot in and the other out. Unless he is able to fully commit to your daughter and their unborn baby, he simply cannot continue living in her condo.

DEAR ANNIE: I’m writing in response to “Rocky Mountain,” whose son, “Kyle,” wishes to be a father but who hasn’t met the right match to settle down and start a family with. I think you neglected another alternative: adoption. There are many children who would love to have a wonderful dad, and who knows what kinds of possibilities there could be for someone like Kyle?

I was divorced years ago at 38 and with no children. I did the math and figured that the time to meet someone, get married, get pregnant and have a child or two didn’t fit my schedule, so I decided to adopt twin boys from Russia. After I was approved for adoption and before I went to get the boys, I met “Sam.” We had one date; I brought the boys home; we got married six months later and have been married for 23 years. There is more than one way to create a family!

— One Grateful Mother DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: What a beautiful, heartwarming story! You’re right that families come in all different shapes and sizes. May “Kyle” and others in his shoes consider adoption as a way to start the family they’ve always dreamed of — a blessing for both parent and child.

DEAR ANNIE: For the past two years, I’ve lived in my apartment complex without issues except for my next-door neighbor. I have come to learn that she has a medical issue — I believe it is cerebral palsy — but that’s not why I’m needing advice. For these last two years, I have been hemorrhaging money on my utility bill to keep cool. Even in Texas heat, it seems like my next-door neighbor is always having her heater running, and the heat goes through the walls into mine.

This suspicion of running the heater has been confirmed by the medical attendants I see who try to take care of her. I asked her once to turn it down, and she became verbally abrasive toward me.

I tried to bring it anonymously to my landlord’s attention, and nothing seems to work. I brought it up to the property management firm, and they said it’s probably nothing.

Meanwhile, I’m hemorrhaging money because I can’t sleep or function properly because of those high utility bills. I can’t afford to move to a new place.

What should I do? I can’t afford to pay high bills much more, and I’m hurting financially with every bill that turns up. Does this possibly warrant a welfare check or something else?

— Heated Frustration DEAR HEATED: The fact that she has medical attendants means that a welfare check is probably not the best place to start. Call the utility company and ask them to visit your apartment to see if the heat from the apartment next door is the cause of your high utility bills. If they confirm that, then it is the landlord’s obligation to solve the problem, either by putting in new walls with better insulation or by paying the excess on your utility bills. If they continue to ignore you, don’t rule out taking them to small claims court.

Cerebral palsy affects body temperature regulation, so I would not complain to your neighbor.

DEAR ANNIE: I am writing you on the question the grandparent had about the grandchild experiencing hazing. We had this very thing happen to our son at the private school he attended, and there was a video. Someone thankfully shared the video with us. We went straight to the parents of the boy who did the hazing and showed them the video. They knew nothing about it and were shocked. They handled it with their son and had him apologize to our son. The school was never involved, and everyone learned something from it. The two young men became friends afterward. Parents need to be involved to resolve issues with teenagers and not rely on schools to handle all of the problems. It’s the parents’ responsibility!

— Mama Bear DEAR MAMA BEAR: Thank you for your letter, and I am glad that the entire situation was able to be resolved.

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