Finding your identity beyond caregiving
November is National Caregivers Month! Take a few minutes to think about the caregivers in your life — parents, siblings, grandparents, neighbors and the list goes on. Is there something you can do to show appreciation to them? Maybe a thank you email, phone call, handwritten note or help so they can have a break from caregiving.
Did you know that nearly 80 percent of caregiving in Hawaii is unpaid and provided by family and friends? In just one year an average of 155,000 family caregivers across the state provide more than 130 million hours of care to their loved ones. Caregiving can range from just a few hours a week to full-time care. And while we often think of caregivers as just those who provide physical care, many are coordinating care for their loved ones who live on another island, the Mainland or another country.
Last year the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention released the latest caregiver statistics for the state of Hawaii:
¯ 1 in every 5 adults in Hawaii is a caregiver.
¯ Half of caregivers in the state have provided regular care for more than two years.
¯ 3 of every 5 caregivers are female.
¯ 1 in 4 is over age 65.
¯ 1 in 4 cares for someone with dementia.
¯ 1 in 3 cares for a parent or parent-in-law.
¯ 1 in 7 expects to begin providing regular care to a loved one in the next two years.
One challenge many caregivers experience is its ongoing, all-encompassing nature. Not only are they tracking appointments, medications, bills and personal care of their loved ones, they are often balancing those with many other roles, which is why last year the Caregivers Action Network began #CaregiverAnd.
The #CaregiverAnd hashtag comes from improvisational comedy’s insistence that answers to yes/no questions must take the form of “Yes. And…” In improv comedy the “and…” is the part that allows the jokes to keep flowing. In caregiving, the “and” allows caregivers to acknowledge their other roles, strategies that combat caregiver stress, personal strengths and triumphs, and their noncaregiving identity.
Why is this important? What comes after the “and” are often those things that refresh and refill. They are important steps that allow caregivers to continue their important work. They represent an investment that will benefit both themselves and their loved one; almost as if to say “I am doing this for myself so I can continue to care for those I love.”
Some of what comes after the “and” may be mundane, such as #organizer or #groceryshopper, but provide an opportunity to step out of the caregiver mode for a short time and provide a needed break. But the most effective are those things that are enjoyable and fulfilling. Take a few minutes to think about both mundane and enjoyable tasks. Then write them down. Choose one to accomplish today in just five to 10 minutes. Then repeat tomorrow.
For ideas, ask a friend or go on social media to find what other caregivers are adding after their “and.” Could one of these be yours? #ListenToFavoriteMusic, #MakeFriendsWithGroceryStoreCashiers, #SmileAtSomeone, #FindAndShareAJoke, #BreatheSlowly, #ReadABook or #WatchAFunnyVideo.
Heather Greenwood is with the University of Hawaii Manoa Cooperative Extension, Maui Intergenerational and Aging Programs. Aging Matters covers topics of interest to the aging Maui community and appears on the third Saturday of each month.