Dear annie

DEAR ANNIE:

I don’t know how to break up with my hairdresser. I have been going to him for five years and my hair has never looked better. However, during the past year or so, things have changed, and I am no longer happy with his service.

It started when he sold me the wrong conditioner, which I didn’t realize until I got home, and he wouldn’t take it back, even though it was unopened. One appointment took an hour longer than scheduled because he was working on other clients at the same time. When he does have downtime between clients, he no longer chats with me while my color is setting. Instead, he sits on the opposite end of the salon playing on his phone, while I sit alone at his station.

During some appointments, his assistant does most of the work, everything except the trimming and finishing. He has gone through four assistants since I’ve been going there. He often berates and teases them. He even body-shamed one of the other stylists in front of all the clients. On top of all this, he raised his rates and didn’t tell me until I was given the total by the receptionist at checkout. He is the salon owner.

Should I text, call or write a letter to tell him the reasons why I no longer want to see him? Or can I just quietly slip away?

— Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow DEAR HAIR TODAY: If it were simply a matter of being unsatisfied with a previous service, then discussing your hair preferences with him for the future would be the appropriate course of action. But it seems something, for whatever reason, has sparked unprofessional and cold behavior, which doesn’t warrant your continued loyalty or any further conversation. You’re well within your right to find a new salon and stylist that better aligns with the experience you want — and pay — to have.

DEAR ANNIE: I’ve been divorced, which I did not want, for more than 25 years. I still grieve over my marriage, and I haven’t found anybody to be as wonderful as my ex was. I still wake up depressed because I didn’t wake up with her next to me.

We had one child together that she took off to the next state with when she was 18 months old. I was still able to see my daughter when I wasn’t working and could drive a hundred miles to see her. My ex and I have kept a cordial relationship because we both will do anything for our daughter.

Twenty-five years is a long time, I know, but being told, “Just get over it” doesn’t work. I have been in therapy for 25 years trying to deal with this, but every time I think of my ex-wife, I cry. I need help.

— Moving On DEAR MOVING ON: There are some people in life who make a lasting impression on us. When you share a child with that person, those feelings amplify tenfold. Your ex-wife was and always will be important to you.

However, I urge you not to romanticize your past with her either. Abandoning you and taking your daughter out of state were extremely hurtful acts, of which you’re still recovering from. Getting into therapy was a great step toward confronting your trauma. Continue with this journey and make a concerted effort to put yourself back out there. You deserve to find love and companionship again in a relationship that is genuine and reciprocal. Don’t let a past you can’t change stop you from embracing the future that’s waiting for you.

DEAR ANNIE: My sister-inlaw has lived with my in-laws for four years. When she and her then-infant moved in, it was an emergency situation — leaving an abusive relationship. However, she does not seem to have plans or ambitions to move out.

My husband’s parents (in their 70s with health concerns) watch her child (now 4) every day while she works from 2-10 p.m. She also uses them to go out with friends and go away for weekends.

It’s a small house with only two bedrooms. When she moved in, she took over the house. Her stuff and the child’s things are everywhere. The stinky diaper pail is in the living room. And you usually can’t even walk with the toys everywhere.

On top of this, my in-laws tell my kids they can’t go to this or that because they are watching said grandchild. They don’t travel and go on vacations like they had planned for retirement because that would leave her without a sitter.

To be clear, they were always willing to help with our kids when they were young. But we never asked for more than one day a week. And my kids would be fine with the fact that they didn’t come to their sporting events if the reason wasn’t because of babysitting.

I feel like we don’t stop over as often to see them because it is stressful and frustrating and the child gets mad when our kids play with his toys. I know that is on me and I just need to force myself to visit for the sake of our parents.

My husband’s parents are adults and obviously can make their own choices, yet I feel like they and my husband’s sister are at fault for the situation. We don’t want to come across as jealous or that we don’t love them, but it’s very frustrating to see how selfish she is being. Should we say something or let it be?

— Frustrated Family

DEAR FRUSTRATED

FAMILY: Perhaps your in-laws are not bothered by the situation the way you are. Maybe their perspective is that they get to spend time with their daughter and grandchild. If they were truly annoyed, my guess is they would be writing to me asking how to kick their daughter and grandchild out of the house.

As far as your kids playing with toys and the cousins fighting, that is up to you to talk to your children and to your brother about how best to teach the kids to share and get along.

Because four years is a long time to live with someone, your husband might suggest that his sister pay their parents rent, or chip in another way, for staying. But if their parents say no, then there’s really nothing you can do about it, so — to answer your question — at that point I would let it be.

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