DEAR ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Eleven years ago, I lost my 19-yearold daughter suddenly. Up until that point, I loved cuddling with babies. I loved everything about them, including their smell, their soft skin, their innocent eyes, etc. If a friend or family member had a baby, I wanted to hold the sweet thing and cuddle.

Since my daughter passed away, however, I no longer am comfortable with babies. I feel very nervous and anxious around them.

Recently, a woman I knew just briefly had a sweet little baby girl. When she introduced her new baby to me, she asked me if I wanted to hold her and she pushed the baby in my direction. I politely said, “No, thank you,” but she was persistent. Then the people in the group we were with were acting like I was being rude by not wanting to hold the baby.

I want people to know, first, that their baby is not a toy for others to play with. Second, not everyone wants or feels comfortable with a baby, for personal reasons. This is nothing against them or the baby necessarily.

A baby is a trigger to many people who have lost one. — Loves Babies from a Distance DEAR LOVES BABIES FROM A DISTANCE: Thank you very much for your letter. It really highlights the theme of not judging someone’s actions when you don’t know their full story.

When the woman thrust her baby on you, she didn’t respect your wishes and was not being very compassionate. At the same time, she might have been exhausted and just needed someone to hold her baby (but still not your job).

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. There is life before and life after you endure a tragedy of such magnitude. If a baby is a trigger for you, you have every right to not want to hold a baby. Thank you for sharing your letter, and I pray that you have a wonderful grief support system in place.

DEAR ANNIE: You answered a letter from “Friends in Retirement,” a lady whose husband is now retired and blind. You suggested he open his own bakeshop or work at one. May I offer other suggestions, since he needs someone to talk with not just to? There is an organization called National Federation of the Blind and another called Council of the Blind. Both of these organizations have chapters in every state and possibly Canada. They could look in the government pages of a phone book or look up blind organizations on their phone. There may be a school for the blind in the near vicinity who could offer assistance. In our area there is even a local blind group. These organizations offer meetings, activities, assistance with blindness skills and friendship. Many of the members are retired. Good luck. My husband has been blind his entire life, so it is something we are used to.

— Social Worker

DEAR SOCIAL WORKER: Thank you for your suggestions.

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