The Maui News
DEAR ANNIE: My daughter has two wonderful little boys, ages 2 and 1, with a man who has proven time and time again to be unfaithful. My daughter is 24 and dated “Marcus” in high school. He seemed like a nice enough young man. He went off to college and ended up losing his scholarship due to drinking.
Marcus moved back home and met an older woman who he cheated on with my daughter, resulting in the oldest of our grandsons. Shortly thereafter, he physically beat this woman while intoxicated, resulting in him getting probation for assault. I told my daughter at the time that his cheating and physical abuse with her was a sign of things to come.
Over the past three-plus years, he has cheated on my daughter at least a dozen times; fortunately, physical abuse has not happened — yet. He has borrowed thousands of dollars that he says he will pay back, but the debt only grows. He is a compulsive liar, and after his last bout of being caught, I thought they finally were done.
At least that is what my daughter said, yet here we are, six days later, and she has let him move back in. They were renting a house, and she had moved out last week. She brought many items to our house. I told her that she and the boys could stay free of charge as long as they needed.
We have two bedrooms upstairs that she and the boys could have. They are fully furnished. I took the boys to day care all week at 6:30 a.m. because she needed to be at work by 6 a.m. She spoke to her supervisor, and they agreed to let her come in later so that her child care was not disrupted. Then she abruptly decided she was going to stay at the house they rented but Marcus was going to live with his mom.
Today, Marcus has moved back in. My daughter brought this up to my wife today, and I told her I do not want to hear it. I am tired of the same situation playing out over and over again. She can be with Marcus, but I am done with him.
Annie, our daughter has a college degree, a good job and is a beautiful young woman; most importantly, she is a wonderful mother. She has wasted nearly four years of her life hoping Marcus would change. It is the exact same broken promises over and over again. Any ideas on how to break this cycle? Marcus grew up watching his father cheat, and now I am afraid my two grandsons are going to turn out the same way.
— Frustrated Papa
DEAR PAPA: You are a very wise father and grandfather. The most vulnerable victims are your grandchildren, so sit down with your daughter and explain to her that if she allows Marcus to stay, she is putting her children at risk. If she can’t leave him for herself, maybe she can do it for the children.
If Marcus ever beats her, as he did one of his girlfriends, she needs to call her local domestic violence hotline or find a YWCA.
“HOW CAN I FORGIVE MY CHEATING PARTNER?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com.