Dear annie

DEAR ANNIE: I am engaged to a very loving man who is quite the lone wolf. Former issues in his past kept him at arm’s length (at best) with his family. His children communicate with him when they need something or see him when he makes the trip to them, but they do not visit us. When I came into his life, I was thanked for bringing him back into his extended family’s life by some, and by others, I was told they loved his ex-wife like family and I was not welcome.

I did, however, start a friendship with his sister-in-law and invited his mother on family trips. But earlier this year, I was accused of putting words in my sister-in-law’s mouth in a very passive-aggressive way, and now no one will speak to me. Now I obviously did something wrong, but with a vague accusation and refusal on their side to communicate, I honestly have no clue what it was. I have reached out with no response.

My mother-in-law has tried to start a rift between my fiance and me, and his children have limited their contact to the point of no longer sharing anything, including pictures of the grandchildren or life events, because I deactivated my social media so I wouldn’t have to endure the snub on social media. He seems fine, but the snub has been painful to me. I know I make mistakes, but I would rather die than intentionally hurt anyone, and they have certainly made me think I’m not worth it. How do we move on from this snub?

— Disliked by In-Laws DEAR DISLIKED: Have you spoken to your fiance about this rift? Since he presumably knows his family best, he might be able to offer an explanation as to why you were cut out so suddenly. I would focus primarily on maintaining a strong relationship with him and not letting your motherin-law drive you two apart.

It seems that you were, at one point, very close to his sister-inlaw and to his mother, and that you are invested in his children’s lives. Instead of making assumptions regarding how the whole family might feel about you, why don’t you reach out individually to those you were close to and explain how much you miss them? Communication is the necessary first step.

DEAR ANNIE: I have a suggestion for “Frustrated,” whose mother-in-law is “incredibly loud” at her grandchildren’s athletic events:

Record the game(s) — including Grandma’s contributions — and then play the video back “for the athlete” in Gram’s presence, allowing her to hear what she sounds like. I was a vocal fan of our children at their games until I began recording them. Not wanting my “cheering” to be saved for posterity, I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Perhaps it will work for her as well. Unless she wants her comments to be kept for the future!

— Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thanks for the clever tip. I suspect Grandma will quiet down once she hears herself on video!

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