Grad school brings new test

DEAR AMY: I am hearing back from graduate schools I applied to this winter. Last week I found out I was accepted to a great school that was offering me a full-tuition merit scholarship.

I was excited and wanted to tell my aunts/uncles/ grandparents. I think that it’s an academic honor.

My parents, on the other hand, have urged me not to mention the scholarship.

I am still waiting to hear back from other schools.

My parents say if I end up choosing a different school that is not offering a scholarship, it will put us in an odd situation with the people we’ve told. They will wonder about our finances and why I am attending a school without a scholarship. My parents are paying for my grad school.

I understand their logic, although I am a bit disappointed not to be able to share my good news. I think that since this is a merit scholarship, it should be viewed as an academic honor.

Do you have any thoughts? My parents have told me I can say whatever I think is appropriate.

Accepted and Happy

DEAR ACCEPTED: I agree with you. A merit scholarship is something to be proud of. I can understand why you want to share this accomplishment with family members. You might also be able to use this scholarship to negotiate with other schools to which you are accepted.

If you choose another school, it’s hard to imagine family members boldly inquiring, “Why are you choosing this school and how are you going to pay for it?” But if they do, you need only say, “This program is the better fit for me, and my folks are being very generous.”

If your parents don’t want you to disclose their financial involvement with grad school, you need only say, “We’re going to work it out.”

DEAR AMY: I have been married for one year. My spouse and I were out of work for about six months. I used my savings and unemployment to pay bills. My spouse hasn’t contributed or tried to get employment.

I started a job when my unemployment ran out. I found out my spouse pawned the wedding ring (a treasured heirloom) to buy a cellphone and make vehicle repairs. I used the last of my savings — set aside for mortgage payment — to get it out of hock.

My wife spends more time with her phone than with me. I said I thought we should get a divorce (due to the betrayal, lying about pawning the ring, and various other untruths) and there was no argument. She said, “If that’s what you want, there is nothing to talk about.”

I know I will be making the right choice to divorce. I am unhappy in the relationship. Please help.

Me or the Phone DEAR ME: All I can do is to affirm what you already know: It takes two to be in a marriage. If your life would be better, brighter, and more productive and affirmative, without being married, then you should tell your wife, “It’s time for you to move. I hope you and your phone will be very happy together.”

It’s “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” time.