Can therapy help depression?

DEAR AMY: I am 40 and have dealt with depression my whole life. Depression runs in my family (father’s side). My father is an alcoholic. He was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. He also sexually abused one of my sisters and another female family member.

He and my mother are still married. I adore my mother, even though she has chosen to stay with him. So, being estranged from him means that I have very little contact with my mother, which is heartbreaking. I just know that after she passes I’m going to hate myself.

I live in that gray world of depression. I have an internal mantra telling myself how much I hate myself. The only shining spot in my life is my husband. I love him very much, and he returns that love to me.

I am also somewhat dependent on alcohol. I drink to be social and when I’m alone. It calls to me and I crave it.

I have never seen a therapistbut I have been on antidepressants. I stopped taking them over 10 years ago because I really didn’t think they helped (we tried several).

My insurance covers 12 visits a year to a therapist. Would 12 visits a year really help me? In Pain

DEAR IN PAIN: Medications have changed over the last 10 years. Please revisit this as a way to medically manage your depression, which could make it easier to deal with your other significant and important issues.

Therapy is worth it. Your therapist can help you breach the gap between appointments by giving you reading materials and exercises to reprogram that tape in your head. A therapist can also suggest nonmedical ways for you to cope with your depression. You are obviously extremely self-aware. A therapist can help you to use your self-awareness to gain more insight into ways to feel better.

I would highly recommend you attend a group for Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren. org). Finding fellowship with others who have faced similar childhood challenges could help.

I hope you understand that your father’s depression and drinking have influenced your depression and drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. Your self-medication is actually making your depression worse.

DEAR AMY: My neighbor just buried her second husband.

She didn’t know I was in the garage listening to her try to pick up my hubby. How does one stay comfortable as a neighbor after that? Perplexed DEAR PERPLEXED: Perhaps if you bothered to speak to this woman, expressing your condolences and getting to know her, you wouldn’t feel threatened when she speaks to your husband in the driveway.

In addition to you being a decent person, the closer you are to your neighbor, the less likely she would be to try to snag your husband.