Woman shouldn’t expect much of a reply after ‘heads-up’ text

DEARAMY » I am a 24-year-old woman. Since leaving my previous relationship, I’ve been getting back out there and going on dates.

When I realize that I do not wish to pursue a relationship with someone after going on (one to five) dates with them, I usually send a text that says something along the lines of, “Hi, Mike. I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we have enough of a romantic connection to pursue anything further. I wish you the best.”

I loathe the idea of “ghosting” someone I’ve met in person, but I also don’t think letting them down in person or on the phone is necessary when we don’t know each other very well.

The two men I’ve recently sent this message to never responded.

Is it rude for me to send that text, and/or is it rude for them not to respond? I can’t help but be a little hurt when I agonize over sending a text that I know will hurt someone’s feelings ( because thesemen expressed their interest in continuing to see me), only to get no acknowledgement that they even received it.

I know it doesn’t really matter because I’ll never see these men again, but I want to do the right thing. — Not Interested

DEARNOT INTERESTED » I agree with you that sending an honest text message is a good idea in this context. It is not like you are breaking up — you are giving these people a headsup on where you stand, releasing them from any further misapprehension, feelings of obligation or hopes for a relationship. That’s life in the big city.

What you shouldn’t do is expect anything in particular in return. Other than perhaps an acknowledgment that they received your message (“KK”), these men are being rejected, they get it and they are moving on.

DEARAMY » I absolutely loved your response to the “Big Sister” [“No Kid Experience”] who had problems mentoring a young girl whose media choices did not correspond to her own.

The purpose of being a Big Sister is to give the young girl better opportunities to thrive, and not be judgmental of a life that she knows has been bruised. I applaud you for showing her how to do just that — without taking her to task for her own opinions! — Ranjana

DEARRANJANA » Big Brothers and Sisters ( bbbs.org) are heroes, and their efforts should be applauded, supported and encouraged. That’s easy for me to do. You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson. com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.