She is missing one thing: friends

DEAR AMY » I am at a crossroads in my social life and could use some advice.

I am a married mother in my early 30s. Over time I have had a “falling out” (so to speak) with each and every one of my lifelong friends (close friends from high school/college).

I will spare you the specifics of how these friendships ended, but I now find myself with no close friends to share my life with.

I miss the friendships I used to have, but I do not miss the drama and disruptions they caused in my life.

I have had no luck finding new friends my age who share my interests.

Is there something wrong with me? Why at this stage in my life is it so difficult to make and maintain these relationships?

My marriage is strong, my career is everything I want it to be, and my children are happy and successful, yet I seem to be failing terribly at having and keeping close friends. Any advice? — Friendless

DEAR FRIENDLESS

» I don’t know if there is something “wrong” with you, but your behavior of dropping all of your friendships implies a pattern — and you are at the center. So, yes, you should carefully examine your own behavior, take responsibility and most importantly — see what negative patterns emerge that you can change.

Making new friends — especially in adulthood — is a significant challenge. Most parents find themselves thrown together with other parents at the playground or at school; these glancing connections can evolve into very rewarding relationships centered around family life. Are there other moms in your circle you’d like to befriend? Many of us also find pals that bloom into friendships at work.

But making friends is challenging. And transforming an acquaintance into a friendship can seem like a delicate dance. One of my own besties simply approached me in our daughters’ kindergarten classroom and said, “Hey, you seem cool. Do you want to be friends?” Turns out, I’m not that cool (she is!), but we’ve managed to stay friends for 25 years.

Read “Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends,” by Shasta Nelson (2013, Turner). Nelson is also CEO of the innovative friendship matching site girlfriendcircles.com. DEAR AMY » “Wondering” was ensnared in a family drama when visiting her close older friend. Her friend’s cousins accused Wondering of coming on to male family members.

I think it’s possible that these family members were trying to isolate the older woman, in hopes of receiving an inheritance. Unfortunately, I have seen this happen. — Wondering No More DEAR NO MORE » This is a definite possibility. “Wondering” should take steps to try to reconnect with her friend.