Sex offender in neighborhood

DEAR AMY >> I have a neighbor who was convicted of a sexual offense involving a “child.” He served time in jail.

I don't know the exact circumstances, but I do understand that the term “child” may include a person as young as an infant and as old as a teenager.

The sexual offender is married with two young children.

I know that he and his wife want to keep his history private.

However, the other neighbors are not aware of the situation and their kids play and interact with the offender's family.

Do I need to inform them, or should I remain silent? — Uncertain

DEAR UNCERTAIN >> You don't say how you know about this offense, but you should take it as a given that these neighbors don't want others to know that he is a convicted sexual offender. But this is not up to them.

Convicted sex offenders are assigned a status: level one, two, or three.

Level one is considered “low risk of reoffense” and level three “high risk of re-offense.” Each state maintains a sex offender registry.

You can check the registry within your ZIP code to see if your neighbor is registered and what the classification is.

The reason the registry exists is because people should know if sex offenders live in the community because of the need to protect children from predators.

Wearing this virtual scarlet letter is the ongoing consequence of committing a sex crime against a child.

Your neighbors should reveal the offender's conviction and if he is classified as low-risk, they should reveal that and explain the circumstances — for instance, if he was 19 and had a sexual relationship with a person under the age of consent in his state. (A convicted person can go to jail with a level one offense, but the penalty also seems to depend on the state where the offense occurred.)

In short, I am suggesting that the convicted offender and his wife do the ethical thing by notifying others of his criminal status.

They most likely won't do that, and so yes — you should let parents in your circle know.

People notified should make every effort to independently verify the information through a neutral source, such as the sex offender registry. (Check nsopw.gov.)

DEAR AMY >> I cried when I read these words in reply to the question from “Scared Mom,” about her daughter's alcoholism: “Offer her a judgment-neutral safe harbor so she won't become isolated, and encourage her to seek treatment without letting her alcoholism become her primary identity in your relationship.”

Thank you! — Parent of an Alcoholic

DEAR PARENT >> Alcoholism is a family disease; it will consume everyone's life — if you let it.