Don’t expect him to leave girlfriend
DEAR AMY: I started a relationship with a work colleague about four months ago. I am aware that he has a girlfriend in a long- distance relationship. They have been together for four years.
What started as a mere physical relationship has turned into something more emotional for us. We love each other. However, this guy is having a hard time parting with his girlfriend.
While I am happy when I am with him, it is heartbreaking when I catch him speaking ( or texting) with his girlfriend. I know I am a tramp to steal another woman’s boyfriend, but the love I have for him is genuine. He keeps saying that he wants to be with me, but I can’t see this happening soon.
Last week I decided to take a “break” to think everything through. I said that I will be happy if he’s happy, regardless of his decision, but I am in doubt whether I can handle his decision if he chooses to be with his girlfriend.
I do not know what to do. Can you help?
Betwixt
DEAR BETWIXT: It’s been a long time since I have seen someone selfidentify as “a tramp.” I feel your pain because if you are a Jean Harlow, man- stealing tramp, then the guy you are dating is a one- man Bradley Cooper movie.
You don’t say you are engaged in two relationships at once, so he gets the bag- of- spit award. If this guy loved you, like really, really loved you, he’d ditch his other relationship the minute he realized it.
Your strong emotional feelings have opened your eyes and clarified your intentions. This is high- stakes stuff. Lay it out there in a way that’s uncompromising and all about you.
If you want to be in a monogamous relationship with him, then issue an ultimatum. Prepare to be dramatically and tenderly alone. Stock up on Ben and Jerry’s and listen to Joni Mitchell’s “Blue” album until your sadness passes. And it will pass.
DEAR AMY: “Rachel” wrote to you about a “stinky” individual at her gym.
While I tend to ignore the majority of the odorous athletes at my gym, there was one time I didn’t. I was on an elliptical machine next to a large gentleman whose body odor was offensive.
When my workout was finished I quietly and as unobtrusively as possible said, “You might want to look into a stronger deodorant.” He was shocked and embarrassed. He seemed unaware of the issue. He was mortified and apologized.
While I “took one for the team” and said something, I will never forget the look on his face. I felt terrible. I took this as a lesson in tolerance.
More Tolerant
DEAR TOLERANT: You obviously regret this discreetly expressed suggestion, but I wonder if in the long term it might have been a good thing for the gentleman in question.